JOHN LITHGOW begins reading some of the children's poetry he likes to write to them, instantly disabling them both, and prepares to eat what's left of their brains while making pithy comments to himself about the decor. But before he can finish killing them horribly, their STUPID FRIENDS bust in to save them.
Cpt. Cuba "Barracuba" Gooding Jr.
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, JOHN LITHGOW! - NOT ON MY WATCH, LOCK AND LOAD, WE'VE GOT COMPANY, JOHN LITHGOW!
Demonic Possession of John Lithgow
WE ARE NOT JOHN.
WE ARE CRAIG. BOW BEFORE CRAIG.
Oh is that about a fact?
AFFIRMATIVE. THAT INFORMATION IS CORRECT.
Well WE are COCKED LOCKED AND READY TO ROCK, SO WELCOME TO THE ROCK, BITCH! OR SHOULD I SAY ROCK & ROLL?!
CPT. BARRACUBA pulls the pin from a frag grenade and rolls it across the floor toward DPCL.
SHOW ME THE MONEY! WHOOO, WHOOO!
It is what it is, but guess what Craig Lithgow? I'm about to throw you under the bus. I'm just keeping it real, baby.
WE KNOW NOT TO WHAT OR WHOM YOU REFER, STRANGEMAN.
SMASH CUT TO: CLOSEUP OF RON PERLMAN SMIRKING DIRECTLY INTO CLOSED CIRCUIT CAMERA AND LIGHTING A STOGIE
Hi folks, Ron Perlman here. Just taking a quick break from the action to let you know that Satan the Evil One is King, and I'm possessed by an alien angel-devil trapped in ice for all eternity. Well, I'll see you.
You Will Read This Headline. Then You'll Laugh. Then You'll Realize You Were Wrong All Along.
'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.