Hydrogen: "Eagle Dawn" is the perfect codename for this movie; vaguely cool until you think about it for half a second, and realize it makes zero fucking sense.

Trillaphon: "Welcome to the Company, son. Your codename will be "Majestic Ringworm". Are you ready for your first assignment?"

Trillaphon: "Assignment #1: find a fucking hat, like at least a ten-gallon cowboy hat. Assignment #2: go to the barber shop down the street to pick up a secret message - ask for the buzz cut, that's the secret code. Assignment #3: fuck off, forever."

Hydrogen: You would think that for someone as obsessed with being a clandestine agent as he is, he'd opt for a less conspicuous haircut, like maybe a neon green mohawk.

Trillaphon: His summer job as a coffee caddy at the CIA's field office for useless rejects will be great preparation for his ultimate top secret assignment: meeting a girl who won't immediately scream and/or puke as soon as she spots him skulking out of the shadows.

Hydrogen: *puts on fedora* Ma'am.

Hydrogen: ...ASSIGNMENT COMPROMISED! ABORT, ABORT! EAGLE DAWN HAS BEEN SHOT DOWN! I REPEAT, THE HOT DOG IS OUTSIDE THE HALLWAY!

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