Hydrogen: General DeLukas, or as he prefers to be called, Big Gzy D-Bone Kumanawanahua.
Trillaphon: Huh, I guess it's Hawaiian shirt day at Space Marines HQ. Ah, come in Sgt., have a seat. I believe you've already met my orderly Mr. Mustafa and my lovely Bottom Bitch, Lolo.
Hydrogen: SIR, PERMISSION TO HANG LOOSE SIR!
Trillaphon: Permission granted. Now for God's sake get yourself into some Billabong shorts and grab a lava flow before I have you busted back down to taro-picking duty, soldier!
Hydrogen: It's not everyday you see a raging alcoholic who only drinks fruity tiny umbrella cocktails.
Trillaphon: I AM YOUR SENIOR DRILL INSTRUCTOR AND CERTIFIED LIFEGUARD GUNNERY SGT. MOONBEAM, AND THE FIRST AND LAST WORDS OUT OF YOUR FILTHY SEWERS WILL BE BRAH!
Trillaphon: Wait, did he just say that mai tais are "very sweet and very rare"? Because that is pure fucking madness.
Hydrogen: You see, it's the future. The mai tais were wiped out during the Tiki Bar massacre of Molokai VII.
Trillaphon: We lost a lot of good cocktails that day...
Hydrogen: ...what did you do, sir? Back before the war.
Trillaphon: I was a bartender at Applebees, son.
Hydrogen: I'll bet you made a mean Fuzzy Navel, sir.
Trillaphon: You're goddamn right I did soldier. But that was another life.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.