Hydrogen: Well, I think this brings us to the ultimate question: what's the deepest permanent mental scar we'll take away from this one?

Trillaphon: How about the uncomfortably long and completely non-verbal Skinemax-esque dog-necking scene, complete with keytar solo (and maybe some other music somebody might have masterfully/handsomely added later to possibly set the mood, allegedly)?

Trillaphon: Considering the lyrics and all the stupid legends about that song, along with the the insane sinister plot of this movie, that's like a quintuple entendre right there.

Hydrogen: I think I have to go with the polygender Scottish cannon fodder being promoted to field marshal after blowing up one bad guy, because that's how war works in the ocean:

Trillaphon: The real ultimate question is what improbable chain of events led to Legend of the Titanic having a goddamn sequel made.

Hydrogen: Follow-up ultimate question: how was it humanly possible to make a sequel to Legend of the Titanic that would end up scoring even lower than the original's 1.3/10 IMDB rating?

Trillaphon: The answer is somehow related to a grand finale involving putting the Titanic back together and parking it at a secret desert island that nobody can ever leave, and they're stuck hanging out with the products Satan's Infernal Toyshop having a 24/7 dance party forever.

Hydrogen: Oh man, what if all of the characters actually died and went to Hell, and the whole Titanic being saved thing from the last movie was just a cruel hallucination? This is some next-level shit.

Trillaphon:

Plot-10
Acting-9
Special Effects-8
Directing-10
Music / Sound-9
Overall-46/50

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)

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