Hydrogen: Unarmed Man Murderer Jones, our hero and savior.

Hydrogen: I still can't get over the fact that their hooker murdering spree took place in the same motel room over and over, and the cops interviewed the motel owner who saw them repeatedly right afterwards but they still couldn't solve the case.

Trillaphon: You'd think a serial killer who only kills the same kinds of people with the same methods in the same motel room every single time and then comes back to that motel room just to hang out every day too would be a little easier to catch.

Trillaphon: I mean, the dude's not exactly Carmen Sandiego here.

Hydrogen: I can't even imagine how much better this movie would've been if Carmen Sandiego was the villain instead of that creepy slackjawed British drooler[1]. Speaking of being British, the way he talks is pretty damn distinctive too.

Trillaphon: Nah, everybody knows there's tons of heavily salivating 6'5" British defense attorneys with bullwhips and gimp masks and hilarious codpieces in LA.

Trillaphon: Also, GODDAMNIT JONES, WHEN THE ATTORNEY GENERAL PARA-DROPS IN HERE TO LAY EGGS INSIDE MY ASS WITH A COMMANDO FROGMAN TEAM, I'M GOING TO JAM MY FOOT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS IT'LL LOOP BACK AROUND AND BE UP MY OWN ASS AT THE SAME TIME!

Hydrogen: I'VE GOT THE VICE PRESIDENT'S FIST SO FAR UP MY ASS IT OCCUPIES EVERY POINT IN THE UNIVERSE SIMULTANEOUSLY LIKE THAT ONE EPISODE OF STAR TREK WHERE THAT HAPPENS AND THEN THEY ALL TURN INTO LIZARDS AND BANG!

Hydrogen: AND I'D BETTER NOT HEAR ABOUT YOU HAVING ANY MORE INDISCRIMINATE WANTON RAMPAGES[2], OR I'LL BUST YOU DOWN TO ASSISTANT METERMAID SO FAST YOUR HEAD WILL EXPLODE INTO LITTLE GINGER CHUNKS.

Trillaphon: ...Now hit the showers, god damnit.

Plot-10
Acting-10
Special Effects-8
Directing-10
Music / Sound-9
Overall-47/50

[1] http://youtu.be/Qv70G-i-Iy0

[2] http://youtu.be/zU5BXF51Bks

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)

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