If you've ever seen that TV show on VH1 where they get old celebrities to live in a house together you may have seen Brigitte Nielson. But before she became big and scary like on that show she was a redhead and she was a hot as heck barbarian babe in Red Sonja.
Now, before I start reviewing this let me blog a little bit about it. Red Sonja is a cool idea for a movie, because when you think about it barbarians are awesome and barbarian movies have really hot babes. That is also awesome. So why not combine the barbarian with the hot babe and create a hot barbarian babe? Does it work? It sort of works.
Red Sonja has Conan in it (Arnold Schwarzenegger) so it does get some extra points, but overall I have to say that the movie is too much like Conan and not in a good way. I mean, Conan is awesome, and if you're going to make a barbarian movie you want to imitate Conan, but you can't steal too much. If you do then there's no point in watching your movie because we could just watch Conan and that's probably better.
Here are some of the things that are ripped off from Conan:
Overall Red Sonja is pretty good. There are some cool grim barbarian landscapes and some epic battles with swords. Red Sonja also has its fair share of magic and glowing crystals. Since Red Sonja herself is the movie's hot babe there is not much sex with hot babes in this movie, which obviously sucks. Maybe they could remake it and have Red Sonja be a hot lesbian babe like the evil queen. I think the naked chick from Terminator 3 is probably a good choice for the Red Sonja character. Something to think about.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.