Hydrogen: I think I remember blowing that big spinning thing up in Freespace. Good to see it's still getting work.

Trillaphon: Establishing shot: Exterior. A space station covered in algae floats around a solar flare made by Carl in his trial copy of Paint Shop Pro. Thanks Carl! xoxox

Hydrogen: If Carl was responsible for that retarded half-cyborg velociraptor thing too, he should probably never be allowed within 100 feet of a computer ever again.

Trillaphon: Don't blame Carl, he tried his best, learning Maya alone in his dark basement room full of empty Brisk cans.

Hydrogen: Yeah, if your CGI tops out at two frames per second, maybe you should just give up and go with something less jarringly fake, like stop motion, or shadow puppets, or one of the interns holding a crayon drawing of a dinosaur in front of the camera and sort of shaking it around.

Trillaphon: I don't feel like we've fully covered the fact that the entire plot of the movie revolves around the big stupid hunk of junk whose big red self-destruct button is actually a mislabeled planet-annihilating doomsday cannon instead of that other thing I just said.

Hydrogen: Or how about the fact that they have special rooms on this Earth-killing top secret orbital military station that everyone knows about with the sole function of burning clothes off and taunting naked androids while you erase their memory?

Trillaphon: Hey, gotta do something to entertain those troops on their ultra-important mission to blow up the Earth, or to save the Earth, whatever. The buttons are mislabeled anyway.

Trillaphon: And how about the fact that there's more weird, disgusting nudity and gratuitous nipple shots than a Top Gun porn parody starring Rip Torn?

Hydrogen: I think we should stop now.

Trillaphon: Before we end up looking like this you mean?

Hydrogen: Yes.

Plot-9
Acting-10
Special Effects-10
Directing-10
Music / Sound-9
Overall-48/50

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)

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