Overview: The world's greatest underground street fighter and facial gymnast goes insane when his wife leaves him for constantly raping her and starts kicking people to death in broad daylight all over town. But don't worry, Ace Hero Detective Harry Manbody and his spunky street-fighting sidekick Kristi - both of whom also just happen to be martial arts prodigies - are on the case!
Directed By: Godfrey Ho, 1993
The Case For: Makes a great argument in favor of psychic/mentalist detectives, since most of the 'detective work' involves just sitting around and waiting for clues to magically appear.
The Case Against: "Trivia: Cynthia Rothrock claimed that some of her costars had such difficulty remembering their lines while filming that portions of dialogue were written down and taped to her forehead for the actors to read." Also, the director really hates eyeballs for some reason.
The Vein: Welcome fellow eXtreme fight fans- we're your hosts Zane "The Vein" Zimmerman.
Haymaker: And Hank "Haymaker" Hargnufgorfsen.
The Vein: Tonight we'll be watching what promises to be one of the most riveting, blood-soaked battle royales in the history of 1993, as not one, not two, but three truly titanic fighters duke it out for the prestigious title of Undefeatable...just as soon as our cutman gets here, anyway.
Haymaker: I'm so excited I can almost feel the excess blood draining from my catastrophically lacerated eyelids already.
The Vein: Tonight's no-premises-barred all-out ultimate blood-schvitz features three true legends of the sport - first up we've got the defending champ, Don "The Stingray" Niam, a.k.a. The Mullet Mallet; Moby-Kick; The Crook With the Hook; and Fist'nam Shandy. So what can you tell us about our first competitor, Haymaker?
The Vein: And speaking of which folks, don't forget about Pillsbury's new artisanal gluten-free double doughblasted cookie-bread cinnarolls: they're Undefeatably Delicious"!
Haymaker: If there's a better way to put a roll in your hole Zane, I don't even wanna know.
The Vein: Well said, Haymaker. Oh, here comes The Ray now!
Haymaker: Mr. Kick! Mr. Kick! How do intend to beat your challengers tonight?
The Vein: What training techniques have you been using to prepare for the fight?
Haymaker: Who's this "Anna" person you keep mumbling about in all of your press conferences?
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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