Article: Danes provide prostitutes for the disabled
The Danish government is under attack for paying for its disabled citizens to have sex with prostitutes. The official 'Sex, irrespective of disability' campaign pays sex workers to provide sex once a month for disabled people.
Social-Democrat spokesperson Kristen Brosboel said: "We spend a large proportion of our taxes rescuing women from prostitution. But at the same time we officially encourage carers to help contact with prostitutes."
But Stig Langvad of the country's Disabled Association said the politicians critical of the plan are showing "double standards. The disabled must have the same possibilities as other people. Politicians can debate whether prostitution should be allowed in general, instead of preventing only the disabled from having access to it."
The Danes are a perpetually embattled people. Surrounded on three sides by water and Scandinavia, they are constantly threatened by leggy blondes, latter day Vikings, and the few remaining members of Mayhem. Making sure Torben Hansen has his pick of prostitutes may seem inconsequential by comparison, but that decision smacks of discrimination.
Denmark, Denmark, Denmark. All those bitter nights that Saul of Tarsus spent in a Copenhagen jail were for naught. Have you learned nothing from the books of the Bible? Jesus Christ, our lord and saviour, spent most of the Gospels cavorting through Galilee with an open whore. Why, if we are to follow His example, fornication is a divine duty! Who are you, Kristen Brosboel, to so cruelly deny people their right to rites on the basis of mere physical ailments? I say unto you, let he who has not sinned cast the first stone, unless he is a quadriplegic, in which case let his caretaker hire a hooker to throw it in his stead.
What cretins like Madame Brosboel so often forget is that the disabled are people too. Behold Stig's StigmaThey have mothers, mothers who drank heavily during pregnancy while moonlighting as amateur boxers. They have needs and wants and wishes and dreams of being able to zip their flys without assistance or injury.
Maybe, Kristen, instead of objectifying the disabled, you should try to see the person behind the easy joke. So next time, before you so cavalierly nix their nookie, think of Stig Langvad. Think of what a terrible disability invisible eyebrows really are. Think of the terrific property taxes on his forehead. If anyone requires government aid to achieve orgasm it's Stig Langvad. Are you really going to take that one last lingering pleasure away from him, Kristen? Shame on you, picking on the disabled like that. They have feelings too. Except for the paralyzed ones. They don't. That's what paralyzed means, you insensitive jackass. Christ almighty.
While designing this space, I imagined David Fincher being forced to recreate the music video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer in a haunted gas station bathroom.
We were able to recently sit down and interview the men's rights icon, Jordan Peterson, in this exclusive interview.
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
News You Needn't Know provides coverage and commentary on some of the strangest stories the Internet has to offer. After the advent of cable news, it might appear as if everything that occurs is awarded an audience with Larry King and a book deal to boot. There are, however, stories which still slip into--or fail to arise from--obscurity. So, like a chimp combing crumbs from his mate's hirsute backside, in this feature we scrabble through the dregs of the Internet news machine to find the silliest, strangest, or hairiest articles out there and dissemble them to their comedic core.