No big update today, as I've been working all day on a top secret project that will change all your lives and touch you in a very special way. No, I can't reveal what way that is, but let me assure you that it will be magnificent and illegal in 27 states.
EXCITING NEW CONTEST! IBM Developer Works has been gracious enough to donate a Deskstar 31 gig harddrive for Something Awful to give away! Yes, we're giving away a brand new 31 gig hard drive, perfect for storing all that horrible porn and virus-infested warez I'm sure you're just waiting to download from l33T HQ H0uS3 of k3WL! What's the rules of the contest? Here ya go, Slappy:
1) Go to the IBM Developer Works Contest Page, where you can also to register to win various other free crap, and find the answer to the following question:
HOW MANY HORIZONTAL BLUE LINES MAKE UP THE "IBM" LOGO IN THE UPPER RIGHT?
Awww yeah, another day, another Cranky Steve map review. Squonkamatic takes a dangerous look at the latest horrible Quake 3: Arena map, "Supacaca":
This is probably the most ridiculous looking map that I can remember playing in since the glory days of the Simpsons TC for DOOM; it is profoundly silly. The author went out of his / her / its way to meticulously design a series of custom textures that recall the worst of meaningless abstract pop painting (though the floor is a missing texture black and white grid: whatever). I mean, I can sort of see what the author is getting at when he urges people to remember that Quake doesn't have to be dingy brown and gray... but happy neon blue and glowing pastel lavender and grinning happy yellow smiley faces? Are we supposed to be playing inside of Timothy Leary's Lego set?
Folks, I can vouch for Squonkamatic here: this map is a colorful mess of RGB villainy. You gotta see it to believe it.
Taco the Wonder Dog has two amazing comics up for all of us to gaze upon and guess the brand name of the cough syrup he overdosed on before drawing them. First up is "THE ADVENTURES OF OIL MAN", which also features a guest appearance by everybody's favorite, Inspector Urine. Next we have "A CARTOON TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE IN GOD", which will supposedly... well... I'm sure you get the picture.
Wow, That's Amazing! has a pretty damn funny guide entitled, "How to Get Mugged." I'm sure all of you out there were wondering how you too could get robbed and threatened with bodily harm, and this article comes through swimmingly.
What if I get mugged Sar!? What should I do! Well my son, daughter, or sex toy, here is what you should do: Take all your money out of your wallet and hand it to the mugger. AND THAT'S HOW MUGGING WORKS! (Oh! And if you have any left send it to me. Unlike being mugged or shot, I like money.)
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.