My Death is None of Your Businesses!
Before I show you today's extra-special ALoD Spotlight, I'd like to confirm the news that Josh Boruff reported on Sunday: I have, in fact, died. Sadly, I contracted a severe case of fire poisoning, a condition for which the only cure is death. The "twin brother" he mentioned turned out to be a pile of oily rags I had lying in my house, and thus no updates will come from him. Thanks to the marvels of the Internet however, I can still somehow bring my own little brand of inane commentary to Something Awful. How? THROUGH MYSTERY! So don't pop the cork open on the champagne yet, I'm still here - now with a horrifying, ghastly twist!
In other news, unpopular updater Zack Parsons has apparently been dead for six months now. Recent articles under his name have been written by a man who killed him and wore his face. He will not be missed.
From: Lisa brewer
Date: Thursday, May 02, 2002 12:05 AM
Subject: The article about 30+masturbation
I just wanted to write you and tell you that I am one of the people that is in your article on 30+masturbation.
I am VERY displeased about the article you wrote about my friends and I. You have NO right to do that to ANYBODY. And if you are going to insult anybody with adisability, you should get your facts straight. I HAVE Spina Bifida, NOT Polio like the caption under mypicture says.Thanks for nothing.
Man oh man! She's an intimidating one! But what is she gonna do about it? Beat me up? Run me over? Or just flash me her nakedness? But she's right, I'm the bad guy here - not the people who unleashed some of the most horrible images in the history of the universe. By the way, if the site is down, you could always check the Google cache site. Have a nice day!
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
Were you enjoying your day? STOP! There is outrageous crap going on you need to know about!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.