Clam bake in delicious.Spring is here once again to the friends and summer is just around the horizon so it is time for Yours Truly to be bursting without the recipes. Summer times are the favorite times in Mexico and it is so hot that the best way to being cooled down is with a grilling parties. You are inviting all of your friends, some relatives, and maybe you are asking the nicer of the neighbor types to also come over. It is a great heartwarming time of bonding friendships and it will help keep to the peace in days to come possibly for years to come. With the help of cooking tips from mother, God rest her soul, I have being to prepare you grills gladiators to go out and defeat the best steaks and clam bakes that you can be set to matches against.

For this latest of clam bakes I am inviting over long time friend and some time partner in the crimes and square circles Sombrero Largo, interesting man of mysterious loves Tango Queen, and tag team of Weather Predator Cats even though Tornado Cougar is rudos his brother Hurricane Puma is being good friend. Neighbor from the borders Rick Powell who is junior executive at American Chemical Plant next door is also coming to pay the visits. He is a straight shooter in book which is being mine and he is bringing lovely girlfriend type Subaru and she is a saucy Tijuana native from the bars with the dancing. To be having properly the clam bake you are needing the key ingredients which I have listed below and should appear on the computer page below this paragraph in a list.

Clams (river clams, hutch clams, and waterfall clams being best)

Straw (is using to separate the striations in clam bake)

Pond Lobster (using kind which is feisty is best kind for clam bake)

Fruits and Vegetables (potatoes, goat carrot, magic rice, whole watermelons, whatever is not moving and in yard)

This is just ingredient for clam bake being by itself, you are also wanting to serve your many guests some good things from the grills or your clam bake will turn inside of a wrong bake and then folk will be given to leaving in disappointment. You are wanting applause! Clam bake is every bit event that wrestling matches are being and it is important to in corporation showmanship inside of the clam bake. To be including this concept of daring I am using modifications to mother's recipe, God rest her soul, and have created a recipes which I am sharing with you now. It is okay to trusting in Yours Truly, this is the recipe for the results and it will soon be sweeps the nations.

First offs you are wanting to be taking hot coals and placing them into the grills. I am doing this by throwing the coals onto large flint stone very hard, there is the sparks and if water from pond next to the American Chemical plant is used for soaking first they are bursting in towards the fire quickly. When they are on fire pick them up with the barbecue tong or hand with strength versus the fires, which I am having, and carry the fiery coal in the fastest way to the grill. Once there is a medium pile you are ready to put grill on top. This is best grill top made out of chicken wire but if you are not having large spool of chicken wires handy then you are using chained links fence or also possibly using to the normal grill if there is no sense of adventures!

Good! Grill is burning, it is being time to kick the things up to another notch! Add to the grills a heap of seasonings you are clutching in tight grip. I am preferring dried tumbleweeds, many fronds of talking plant next to American Chemical Plant, it is okay if he is yelling at you "it is hurting" because this is just his way. He is making to do with fewer branches and is making the grills happy with his savory natures.

I am liking to serve grilled of the chicken beast on clam bake days so I am going toe to the toe with chicken beast. It is a wily creature that is not easily made to tap out, so be ready for a battle of the birds! This is best to be doing in front of guests to clam bake so you are showing off the skills of culinary to them and their mouths are springing with water at the sights and smells. I am recently defeat chicken creature in five round no hold bars matches and when chicken creature is made to defeat I am cutting one inch thick slices from its leathery hide. You will need to remove quill and ink sank from chicken creature before cooking, also the diced tentacle is good in potato salads so set aside for this purposes. Beware of beaks! Beaks of chicken creature will give terrible fright to the guests when they are turning up in the food.

With chicken creature grilling it is time to be making with the clam bake which I have the steps to steps instructions ready for you to begin with cooking. This must all being timed to perfection or it is a disaster of monuments portions! The steps to steps instructions are being below this paragraph if I made the computer beep to me in favorable manner.



Okay below this, the beeps are angry, so watch out!

Steps One
Take clams and squeeze in a very burly manner. This will coax the juices of the clams into a bowl which I am now mentioning and should be at the readies next to the clams to catch the juices. Clam blood is also name for this and once the clams are juiced to oblivions you are taking a few of the clams and crack them open with the hammer to get their secret meats. Set to the sides for steps later.

Steps Two
Lobster are fighty at points like this so be prepared to deliver calming kicks to their heads or using of the clam hammer to convince them to go into clam bakes. It is not good things to hit them so hard they are dying but best clam bake is with the lobster which is just died inside the cooking pot. Once lobster is snuggling in the pot, OH WAIT! Before this step put in step one and the half where you are putting the hay down into bottom of clam bake pot. If not the lobster is being burned like a bad cake. Okay, now straw is in there under the lobsters and your are putting the drowsy lobster in to snuggling the pot. This is put on grill now and put top firmly on while you are working on other steps. Some screams maybe are coming from the inside of the pot, it is okay, trust me on this one. They are not feeling a things, it is just the natural response as the nervous systems are boiled alive and the lobsters are feeling what we in wrestling business are calling the "bug agony". Not too bad, not like the "real agony".

Steps Three
Act now, your results are depending on the haste of the action. You are preparing the vegetables which you are gathered from yard. I like to use all manner of vegetables like the pumpkins, hot peppers, whole onion trees, and also very good is potato. If you have corn use that but it will not grow in the ground here, well it is growing but instead of ear of corns it is giving up bugs the size of arm that can fly and attack the horse. Chopping is good, breaking is sometimes good, also fold when necessary to folds. Place into pot on the head of lobsters. There are claw marks inside pot, okay, this is nice because it means fresh and by now they should be done trying to claw their ways outside of pot and will wear vegetable hat gently. Place top down with hastes! First put straw on tops of the vegetables being as well.

Attendance to clam bakes can also be good with sassy childrens. Step Four
It is time for the clams so you are putting these inside and leave the shell on the top of these fellows. I like to go into the showmanship very much on parts like this! I will draw some faces on the clams and hold up behind clam bake pot and give a little play. I am liking to tell the story of Donkey Hurty and his most epic of legends when he is battling El Dragonos! He is the haymaker's dream! As Donkey Hurty is defeating each of the fifteen princes I am tossing the clam which is the prince into the pot and the children and even some of the adult types are screams with the delight. A fun time is had by all not including even the screams and then the affair is over and it is time to put top of straw on then top of pot on.

Step Five
While clam bake is doing the baking you are taking clams you are shelling and clams with juices and placing in large mixing bowl. Add to this bowl some cream which is taken from goat's of many venoms and milked by placing sponge into goat mouth and yelling. The yells will get a rise out of the goat and it will bite the sponge and release its delicious prize of venom inside of the sponge. This is secret spices for another notch! Ha ha, no seriously, this kicks things to a notch which is being so high that you are having to wear masks full to the brim with oxygen to even see the notch. Stirring this and add the zests of a lemon, some freshest thymes, and some wild rockets. Finally you are putting into this mix a whole stick of reduction butter, should being towards very thick and buttery so place in and mix with the clam juice and meats. This is good sauces for lobsters!

Step Six
Prepare the chicken creature by basting with hot peppers spirits and some shallots which are also cooked in the grills. Hold the phones! I am just remembering, lobster should not be on bottom, vegetables are on bottom of clam bake! Oh this is very bad form if you are doing this. Lobster should be second from the top above the vegetables but being below the clams. Place the chicken creatures onto the plates with the vegetables from the clam bake which is at the bottom if you are doing things correctly. Then you are placing clams in large bowl and lobster on each plate. If lobsters are still making the moves then you need to calm them down some more by scalding out their brains with a turkey baster and a kettles of hot waters. Finally putting to the dipping sauces in ramekins onto the plate and large bowl of the clams in center of tables. Bone appetite!

If you are doing all of these things to the correct proportion then you are having a very successful clam bakes indeed. I can tell you that mine is a big hit with all but girlfriend of Rick who is a vegetable and cannot eat the lobsters. She is an outrage at the violence I am doing to the clams also and I have to tell her nicely to leave and Rick is laughing and says "walk back to the car and sit in the heat, maybe you have a stroke you stupid thing" but he is not saying "thing" he saying word that I am not repeating here. This is a family computer page, or so I am told to believe.

Have fun this summer. Have a greatest summer of all!

Cranky Who?!

Zack "Glass Animator" Parsons here. Unbeknownst to most of us at Something Awful, Mista T has been toiling away chained in the basement of Cranky Steve's Whorehouse. While we've been eating caviar and elf meat from our magical tower, that go-getter Mista T has been slaving over a hot pot of shitty maps to create content for you!



The map is comprised of a box with a very deep, octagonal hole in the center of it (which I assume would be the place where you shouldn't fall down, for you see, you fall a LONG FUCKING WAY to the bottom) which is duplicated and put right beside the first Box-and-Hole structure, so that it could theoretically accommodate more people that would want to play the map (which would include, but are not limited to: rapists, masochists, and the criminally insane). Littlejay also included a big, fat vehicle in one of the Box-and-hole setups, so it is also possible to drive a vehicle into the damn hole if you so desire.

Discover the many secrets of what Mista T has been working on all this time by heading over to Cranky Steve's and checking things out for yourself!

– El Pinto Grande

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