I was recommended these by a tiny Indian chief that crawled out of a vent. He was wearing them and he said I should wear them. He couldn't have been more right! These moccasins are wonderful!
Even though I was normal sized when I placed the order, by the time the great thunderbird carrying them in its talons alighted on my windowsill I had shrunk to the size of a baby. They were so comfortable on my feet that the Indian chief began to cry. He said that I could marry his daughter, but my mother came into the room and tried to stop me. I told her I just wanted to live my life, but she said I had to finish college first, which is weird, because I never finished college.
My dog was watching and he bit her and she popped like a balloon. Then I was in a car and the pedals felt so soft through the fabric of the moccasin. I'm no baby, but I know a good baby moccasin, and these are them.
I had never heard of these guys until recently, when I found myself running down a darkened tunnel with them. We were trying to escape a giant lawnmower. One of them is a dragon. I'm pretty sure of it. I can't say how I know, it's just one of those things I know, but he's a good dragon so there's nothing to worry about.
We came out of the tunnel and into the clouds. We were floating and one of them gave me a copy of this CD. There were storms coming and I had this feeling that I had to listen to the music before the storm came. I struggled for what seemed like ages with a pair of headphones and finally I heard the music and the storm clouds just disappeared.
The music sounded sort of like a bell ringing and not stopping. When I woke up I was peeing.
I wished for this watch in a mirror and it appeared on my wrist. It is light as a feather and feels warm against my skin. Cats love it, and every time I wear it I am surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of meowing cats. I feel like I can communicate them, but it's more in ideas and emotions than in words.
I'm not totally happy with it. Sometimes I think this watch has a dark side. When I wake up all of my furniture has been moved around and sometimes I also get the feeling it is laughing at me. I can't take it off, even if I want.
I guess these are the two sides of this elegant watch.
"Oh, look, it's me from the future! And there's another me, made of anti-matter! All three of us are reaching out towards the exact same point in space, our fingertips on a collision course."
Levi Johnston finally comes clean about his involvement in the Weinstein scandal and details a disgusting incident that required a green screen.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.