Wayne Burthouses' Front Lawn
Wayne Burthouse spends all weekend every weekend working on his lawn. He's always mowing it or seeding or laying mulching or planting a spruce or something. This guy means business when it comes to front lawns. It's not his job or anything, just like everything he's about.
|A||09/06/2008||Back and forth lawn patterns and great raking skills come fall. I can't get enough of this lawn. Wish I was there right now to...|
|A||02/13/2009||The first time I saw this lawn I fell to my knees and wept. The second time I saw it I went up and knocked on the door and hugged Wayne. He was furious, has personal space issues, but as far as his lawn...|
|A||04/03/2010||Every time I cut my own grass I wish I were dead because I know it well never be like Wayne's. I put up too many ramps in my backyard but I am running an experiment on the side strip that might work. Using my own body fluids I...|
|A||09/01/2011||Don't worry about the screaming coming from the house, Wayne is just very passionate about his lawn. I asked him if I could borrow his mower and he stared at me without blinking until I left. That's okay, I...|
|B||12/17/2011||Saw a couple dandelions around the flower beds this spring. Wayne has been slipping since the divorce.|
|F||03/03/2012||You think you can do this to me, Brenda? That is my yard. If I see him cutting it I swear I am going to drive up onto the sidewalk and run him over. You are a psycho...|
"Parsons whips up an awe-inspiring, helter-skelter journey through mind-blowing SF, western dime novel, noir mystery, and near-future dystopian horror that somehow manages to become a cohesive, thought-provoking whole. Gideon Long is a brutal and brutalized man who is in the process of getting himself shot in 1874 when he stumbles onto a pool that will create a copy of him every time he dies. Warren Groves, husband of Long's lover Annie, becomes Long's unwilling partner in resurrection, and the two have an uneasy history down the years. In the 1950s, Warren meets a woman who looks just like Annie, and events begin spinning out of control as the mysterious pool turns out to have its own agenda. There's no way a novel with this many moving parts should hold together, but it does, and even readers initially daunted by the jumble will soon be glad to go wherever Parsons takes them. (Apr.)"
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.