This article is part of the Anime Roommate series.
Just ask, Jerry, and I'll introduce you to these lovely ladies.Important discoveries aside, Jerry, you and I are far from on good terms. Your behavior continues to remain seriously unhealthy, and I have, from recent Wikipedia research, determined you have several personality disorders. I also think, Jerry, you are becoming co-dependent and are acting out as a result of your inability to properly express your feelings of respect and admiration to me. Don't think I didn't see that look on your face the other day. You were clearly coveting my Azumanga Daioh t-shirt. I would have taken that shirt off right there and handed it to you if you asked, because I'm that kind of brother.
I may understand you, Jerry, but that doesn't mean your attitude and emotional abuse doesn't hurt. Really, I should start billing you, Jerry, for all the time of mine you waste. I spent 3 hours on the phone with my therapist talking about you, Jerry. That's time I could have spent doing something important and productive, like writing a novel or a screenplay or composing a symphony. Think about what you're stealing from me and the world the next time you decide to have one of your episodes and accuse me of looking like a "beached whale giving birth to the world's largest stick of butter." What does that even mean, Jerry? It's nonsense!
Heh, this reminds me of you high-fiving your jerk dad after he accused me of looking like "rotting potatoes sliding down a hill." You know, Jerry, treating your parent like he's just another bro is a sign of what's called "emotional incest." Look it up one day, brother. No wonder you're so screwed up.
To tell you the truth, Jerry, I feel sorry for you now more than ever. After experiencing all your lifestyle has to offer, I can safely say it's pretty shallow. My voyage into the mainstream world you value so much only served to reconnect me with my one true love: the noble artistic medium that is anime. I am grateful I was not swept into your world, because it surely would have robbed me of my dignity and self-worth.
You, me, and the classics. It's a date!I've been talking to my therapist a lot about you, Jerry, and he thinks we would benefit from couples counseling. I'm definitely game, and told him you would be too. Our appointments are Monday night, so I hope you don't mind sacrificing football for a while. This is definitely what's best for us, Jerry. Especially after everything we've been through. It's time we really start the healing process.
You know, after a few sessions, I think you'll wake up and see the light. When that happens, you and I will sit side by side diving into moving works like Shijou Saikyou No Deshi Kenichi, My Wife is a High School Girl, or Hiroyuki Imaishi's stellar Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. I know you won't show it because you've got to keep up that tough guy act of yours, but inside I bet you're smiling like crazy at the prospect. Jerry, so am I. So am I.
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
A blob of rotting flesh writes passive-aggressive letters to his roommate Jerry waxing poetic on the undeniable beauty and cultural importance of anime.