Okay, I think we've gone about as far as we can go with this whole Twitter thing. Right now, news programs are talking about Twitter more than they read the news. Congressmen are tweeting from their Blackberries while they should be, you know, working. You can actually turn on the TV and chances are someone is sitting there-- a grown person, probably with a broadcasting degree-- staring into the camera, talking back to some 16-year-old kid who thinks he can both solve the health care crisis and figure Goku's current power level in less than 140 characters on his RAZR. And that is supposedly the "good stuff" Twitter is used for.
Perhaps it is a sad symptom of our society that a site which is founded on the idea of not reading more than two sentences at a time becomes more popular than every thought-provoking blog ever created combined in a matter of months. Not just blogs, but even newspapers too. The economy is the worst it's been in decades and Ashton Kutcher has a wider circulation than The Wall Street Journal. North Korea is perfecting the nuclear bomb and Shaq has a wider reach than The New York Times.
Oh no, wait, what am I saying? I needed some way to document every mundane, idiotic thing I ever do. Not only that, but it would be nice to read about every mundane, idiotic thing everyone who is not me does, too. @rubchub1944 is driving to work and can't stand this traffic. He's just like me! Small world! Fat guy, but really small world! Maybe I'll follow him so I can read everything he does from this moment until he dies. @HalfAsianAmputee is trying to decide whether she wants cereal or eggs for breakfast. Meanwhile the real world is thinking YOU HAVE ONE ARM, HOLY SHIT, GO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, GET OFF THE COMPUTER.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
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