This article is part of the BarkWire.com series.
The Barquis de SadeAge: 7 years old
Breed: Brussels Griffon
Location: Shaggy Butte
Relationship Status: Single
Posted by PoodleFur 24 days ago.
I have never felt more uncomfortable around a dog. He is without a doubt the most depraved creature in all of Shaggy Butte. When I saw him he was very aroused and committing a profane act on a garbage bag full of hair he dragged out from behind the Supercuts. I called the cops to have him arrested but they said there was nothing they could do.
His mentor deserved better. His mentor should have known better.
Posted by TreatGuy 22 days ago
I do not doubt for one second that this dog would commit murder. He has a growing darkness in him that is downright terrifying. Given his unquenchable thirst for committing depraved acts, it's only natural his urges would turn to murder, that most forbidden and exhilarating of thrills.
I'll never understand what Satire saw in him. Taking him on as a protégé was a huge mistake and a black mark on an otherwise stellar career.
Posted by Doctor Dog 18 days ago
It's remarkable this dog is alive and seemingly healthy given the excesses of his lifestyle. He definitely suffers from severe mental illness. I would not rule out brain parasites or some sort of canine dementia. Considering his diet seems to largely consist of his own vomit and feces, he should by a disease-ridden skeleton by now.
Posted by WarmBiscuit 17 days ago
I've seen him eat something other than excrement. Yesterday, while leaving church services at First Presbyterian, I spotted him on the steps methodically eating the binding on a bible. I just about screamed in horror, and my children were crying. We scared him away with a hose while chanting "the power of Christ compels you."
He let out a horrible yowl that sent shivers up and down my spine, and also he threw up while doing it. My children have been terrified of dogs and going back to church ever since.
Posted by Glenda 14 days ago
brought him home since he did not have one. he was very bitey but I have special gloves and medicine for such dogs. with in a day four of my other dogs had died because they tried to eat each other alive. i blame this awful dog for bringing evil into my peaceful home. he is the only dog i have ever kicked out. i had to search the town for two days to find replacements for the dogs he killed. i hope whatever cancer is eating his brain finishes him off so my poor babies can have justice.
Posted by TreatGuy 3 days ago
HOPE IS DEAD!!!!
And this is the goddamn monster that did it. No bones about it. I warned everyone he would commit murder, and sure enough he went and killed the town's darling dog. There will never be another Hope, and if I have my way there will never be another Barquis de Sade. You guys are fine with me shooting him, right? Like we all agree it's a good thing for me to start shooting the bad dogs in town? Just give me the green light so I know this is a community effort and you'll all have my backs. I don't want to get Zimmermanned here for doing the right thing.
Posted by Barkaholic 3 days ago
Excuse me, but the Barquis de Sade would not murder Hope. She's not the ideal victim. Hope was not truly innocent, not if she got pregnant by a dog other than Hazard. A dog like this needs to murder a truly innocent victim to be satisfied and make a proper statement. Otherwise what's the point? You're not profaning anything sacred. It's got to be a true innocent. That's how I'd do it anyway. What a sick-minded dog.
Posted by DogGoneIt 2 days ago
Afraid he's not your killer. At least not directly. He was gnawing on a big ol' turd during the fracas, though he surely could have convinced one of the other dogs to act on his behalf. I've seen him with Nectar a few times, so maybe he's responsible for the deed? I don't know how a dog brainwashes another dog, and maybe that's stupid, but at this point we shouldn't rule anything out when it comes to the Barquis de Sade.
Posted by Angelic_Groomer 19 hours ago
I have worked my magic on a lot of ugly dogs before, but I wouldn't touch this one with a fifty-foot pole. I saw him twice last month. The first time he was doing something unnatural to a hole in a tree. The next time he was covered with beetles. It's obvious he contracted dutch elm's disease from being such a relentless sex pervert.
I know that as sure as God gave me a remarkable talent for bringing out the natural beauty in dogs that he also created a special hell for bad dogs. The Barquis de Sade will definitely be heading there soon.
Posted by BigDog 8 hours ago
Satire made an epic boner when he took the Barquis de Sade under his wing. I think he was hoping for a replacement Mandalay, but he got something worse than El Craneo Negro. Barquis is one first-rate lecher with a serious hard-on for disgusting behavior. If you idiots think Barquis de Sade hasn't killed before, you should ask what happened to his mentor.
Who do you think chewed him into pieces and left him scattered around churches and schools? It sure as hell wasn't Bug. Every idiot knows he wouldn't give a cat's ass about Hope. He shares his mentor's taste in dogs, although his teeth sink a little deeper.
He really makes you long for the golden age of weirdo dogs. I'm talking about gold standards like Scrappers, Rusty, Senator, Clumpy and countless other dogs who had the substance, depth and charm. The dogs today don't hold a candle.
I have raised over $300 participating in quilting bees for the American Quilting Bee Society so I think I deserve at least seven minutes of your time.
Ernest Cline, writer of Ready Player One, shares his newest poem.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
The seedy canine underworld of Shaggy Butte is explored in this hard-hitting series combining obsessive pet fanatics and crowd-sourced internet reviews.