This article is part of the BarkWire.com series.
OzarkAge: 19 Years Old
Location: Shaggy Butte
Relationship Status: Single
Posted by Angelic_Groomer 6 hours ago
Ozark is disgusting and creepy. He does not take care of his skin or fur and he lives in filth. I would not waste one ounce of my substantial talent making dogs look beautiful on Ozark, because he is ugly inside and out. What a horrible dog, and I hate him forever for killing Hope.
Posted by Barkaholic 6 hours ago
I saw this monster running from the park with blood dripping from his gross snout. At least I hope that was his snout, because I'm never sure what I'm looking at with this jerk of a dog. You know who else runs from crime scenes with blood dripping from their mouths? Cannibals. Obama may have gutted the constitution, but I'm pretty sure cannibalism is still illegal.
Posted by Harold 5 hours ago
What did she see in him? About a month ago, I filmed Hope playing with Ozark. He was old and barely able to walk, hobbling around like a dog wearing too many coats and all the coats were covered with mud. He seemed very playful, though. I remember hearing about this dog over a decade ago, but never saw him until Hope lured him out of the wilds. Hope... I can still feel close to her when I touch the TV screen...
Posted by WarmBiscuit 5 hours ago
I learned about Ozark years ago, but never believed he was real. He's been living there in the abandoned strip mines for 20 years? Incredible! Seeing him appear at Slurry Creek Dog Park, well, that was the first time I've ever seen him... or any dog like him. I don't think he killed Hope. Definitely something Meathook would do. That dog is a straight-up mass murderer with no respect for the dignity of life. He should be ripped apart and hung up from a flag pole to send a message.
Posted by Doctor Dog 5 hours ago
He's not a great dog, but he's a medical marvel. Any dog that has lived as long in such an inhospitable environment deserves study. I don't buy him as the killer, either. What his motive would be? I've been going over this again and again in my head, and if Ozark was going to kill, it would probably be Meathook or maybe that loud yapping dog Heliogabalus. But I think Ozark would kill Meathook, who takes after his evil father far too much. Then maybe dear sweet Hope would be alive. God, I'm going to be crying myself to sleep again.
I saw Ozark running through traffic on my way home from the park. I wanted to pick him up and give him medical attention, but my wife would never forgive me for getting the car muddy. Hopefully nobody hits him.
Posted by BigDog 4 hours ago
Got to be honest here: BigDog's got mad respect for Ozark. He's an ugly mess of a dog and a crazy hermit, but he's without a doubt the best at what he does. Plus, he lives in the abandoned open-pit strip mines. Remember when that senior center bus crashed in there and they were all slowly skeletonized? Ozark may well be unkillable.
He's also the last of Shaggy Butte's classic loner dogs, outlasting notable mutts like Hairy Dog Stanton, Pumpjack, Swamper, Townes and The Travel Agent.
Hope's killer? Get real. If you idiot's would listen to my podcast, you'd know Ozark has been more alive than ever since Hope started playing with him. Outside of oddballs like Scrappers or Rusty, no dogs ever gave him the time of day. That old dog was finally warming up to civilization thanks to her. Heh. Bad timing, Ozark. This will probably send him back into solitude for good.
Posted by TreatGuy 3 hours ago
It was hard to tell what was happening in the fight, but I'm pretty sure I saw him biting Thriller's rump. Either that or rubbing his butt against Thriller's butt. I'm not sure which end is which with him. Oh god, did he run out of the park backwards with his butt bleeding? I'm so confused. No, I think he must have bit Thriller.
Either way, I think Ozark deserves a fair hearing on account of his long history of neutrality. He hasn't overburdened us doggers with his presence, unlike some mediocre dogs around town, and I respect that.
Posted by Glenda 2 hours ago
i thought maybe some foolish person left part of a mangled old bean bag on the side of the highway, but when i stopped to load it in my car, i noticed it was a dog. it was ozark. somebody clobbered him good. can't say i'm happy about it, since i thought i was getting a new bean bag. didn't bother taking him, got enough of those.
If ozark did kill hope, we may never know. he took his knowledge to the grave. besides, hope's owners are the real killers. if they would have sold her to me she would still be alive and happier than ever.
Posted by HotDogginGuy 1 hours ago
Just saw Ozark's body. I was going to take him back to the strip mines so he could be home again, but I didn't want to touch him because of all the blood and feces in his fur.
I know it's not going to help anything, but I just wanted to let everyone know I paid $19.99 to have a star named in honor of him. I think that some part of Ozark will always live on out there in the heavens now. You can't see it, though. It's too far away.
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
The seedy canine underworld of Shaggy Butte is explored in this hard-hitting series combining obsessive pet fanatics and crowd-sourced internet reviews.