TOP BATH SALT BRANDS
by big Danny D and Gibby
Hindu Kushion - Smooth sort of a smoky feel. Good for a rainy afternoon put on some DVDs and get out a board game and throw it around the room and set fire to some shit.
Devil Dunk - My first salt. Mild, but makes you laugh a lot when you cut on your arm with a steak knife.
Calgon Dahmer - This shit makes you feel crazy but it is a wild good time. Perfect for if you need to break through a wall with hammers and kick up some shit in some dudes house.
Xiamen Industrial Co, Ltd. Formula 22 - Some Chinese science shit it will mess you up for a full day. I heard they give this stuff to army dogs to make them more intense.
Horned Owl Orgasms - This is some rare shit but if you get it you will not forget it. Like seeing the aurora borallis.
Winfrey White - You eat everything in sight but leaves you feeling like you just got a new car.
Unicorn Dandruff - Yo it's in the name. Enhances your sex and also your physical strength along with turning everything into a cartoon.
Tranquillibrium 3D - Your standard salt. Not too expensive and a good way to spend an hour talking to your dog.
Body Bubbles (Neon or Electric but not Blacklight) - Effervescent, tingly with snappy hallucinations. Makes you extra bitey.
Raspberry Restrepo - Make you think you're in a mindwar with the drive thru dude at Burger King.
Claw Foot Special - This is like some classy shit you put up a girl's nose to make her peel off them sweat pants.
Blue Hawaii - We haven't either of us done this one but I one time saw a dude climb up the side of a building on this so it has got to be awesome.
Remember to soak safe and if you got to shoot sterilize and don't share. See through the mirrors and smoke of the lamestream media. If you salt smart you will have a good party.
Prepare yourself for quite possibly the most effective use of "BOWL" as a sound effect.
Who needs three months of endless summer fun? You have a career!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.