I have talked to all of the departments and I have heard your wonderful critiques and comments about the changes to the bathroom structure.
We have already taken down the offensive signage that suggested you had to conform to an arbitrary gender. Until we can complete the renovations I hope this will cut down on the triggering that has been happening in the hallway. I have also asked Gwentholymp to swap out the air-fresheners for something less aggressively masculine than lilac.
I will be meeting with the architect on Monday to discuss replacing the two bathrooms with the proposal of nine bathrooms. Just to be clear I wanted to finalize everything so there is no miscommunication on the signs or bathrooms. If I missed anything, please stop by my office or communicate your concerns to Munthe.
XER's ROOM - Specifically for non-triggering gender-identified women to go to the bathroom. Includes stalls and upright feminine urinals. Birth-gendered women may also use this bathroom as long as they have chosen to continue to identify as women.
ZIE's ROOM - This room is intended as a safe space for birth-gendered women and gender-identified women who are at high risk of triggers. Soft, unidentifiable tones will play over the sound system. Contra-trigger odors such as "fresh mountaintop" and "abandoned space station" will mask the usual barnyard odors of toilets to prevent accidental self-triggering.
OMNUS ROOM - The all-inclusive omnus room is available to all employees and features a sloping drainage floor and shelves for undergarments. A flattering, angled mirror provides a flattering view of voiding. Cisgendered men are asked to wear a privacy hood and please use the diapers so that genitals are not exposed in a threatening manner. This does not include snakemen gender who have internal genitals.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.