INT. HOSPITAL XRAY LOOKY ROOM - Day
Steve's hot blonde cougar mom GEORGIA AUSTIN is talking to DOCTOR KAHN REBUILDER. Her eyes are red from TONS OF CRYING. She is holding Steve's lucky helmet.
That is the conventional wisdom, yes. But...
Well, Mrs. Austin-
Miss Austin. Your son has suffered massive head and spine trauma. Regular medicine science would say he would be lucky to come out of that coma. I have a different opinion.
What is it, Doctor? I'll do anything.
I am an advanced doctor experimenting with advanced science. When I'm not being a doctor I work for Blacksun Positronics. We make artificial limbs for hero soldiers coming home from Iraq. They just completed a prototype spine interface and robotic frame. It links straight into the brain and allows him to control robotic limbs instead of regular limbs. It's very advanced. It would give him superhuman strength. Superhuman speed. Lightning reflexes.
What's the catch? There's gotta be a catch.
There's no catch with robotics. They run on solar power and batteries. It works very well. It's just that, well, Mrs. Austin...
MISS Austin. Your son, he's, well, he is severely brain damaged. His IQ will be around 65. There's nothing we can do about that.
Do it, Doctor.
Saws spin up and cut downward out of frame.
Doctors look at a computer screen with beeps on it.
Some lady in a lab coat holds a mechanical arm and then nods.
A robotic arm is welded onto a stump on Steve Austin's unconscious body.
A computer screen shows a person with two arms and two legs in green blinking outlines.
ROBOT SKULL WIPE
Some of the Internet's most veteran anatomy experts convened to discuss the stolen nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and other beautiful celebrities.
Master is troll wizard, so's if he get angry he might cast spell up on my self and bite off my whole head in one chomp.
We're spelunking through the movie catacombs this week. Join us, won't you?
Kirk Cameron destroys the internet with his rage and jacks it to boats, hallelujah!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.