INT. HOSPITAL XRAY LOOKY ROOM - Day
Steve's hot blonde cougar mom GEORGIA AUSTIN is talking to DOCTOR KAHN REBUILDER. Her eyes are red from TONS OF CRYING. She is holding Steve's lucky helmet.
That is the conventional wisdom, yes. But...
Well, Mrs. Austin-
Miss Austin. Your son has suffered massive head and spine trauma. Regular medicine science would say he would be lucky to come out of that coma. I have a different opinion.
What is it, Doctor? I'll do anything.
I am an advanced doctor experimenting with advanced science. When I'm not being a doctor I work for Blacksun Positronics. We make artificial limbs for hero soldiers coming home from Iraq. They just completed a prototype spine interface and robotic frame. It links straight into the brain and allows him to control robotic limbs instead of regular limbs. It's very advanced. It would give him superhuman strength. Superhuman speed. Lightning reflexes.
What's the catch? There's gotta be a catch.
There's no catch with robotics. They run on solar power and batteries. It works very well. It's just that, well, Mrs. Austin...
MISS Austin. Your son, he's, well, he is severely brain damaged. His IQ will be around 65. There's nothing we can do about that.
Do it, Doctor.
Saws spin up and cut downward out of frame.
Doctors look at a computer screen with beeps on it.
Some lady in a lab coat holds a mechanical arm and then nods.
A robotic arm is welded onto a stump on Steve Austin's unconscious body.
A computer screen shows a person with two arms and two legs in green blinking outlines.
ROBOT SKULL WIPE
The valor pigs have been looking over your uniform and trying to find fault. Time to show them how army is done!
You said to submit t-shirt ideas to this e-mail address, so here are some I have come up with.
Video games make it socially acceptable to point at Jane
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.