Hey, wassup everybody, it's Cody here with Karina for tonight's closing segment "Totally Awesome Stuff You Didn't Know About the Moon."
SOUNDS awesome, Cody.
CUT TO Clip of Borat saying "Nice!" [471-B]
Karina, did you know that if you hollowed out the moon, it would take nearly eight billion cans of energy drink to replace the lost mass?
Wow, I think I chugged that much Power Hound when I crammed for my last trig test!
CUT TO Clip of Borat saying "Great success!" [322-B]
More Houndage by the poundage! Now Karina, you know I love macaroni and cheese. Basically, I don't see why it shouldn't be served with every meal, especially those Cheeztaroni Insta-Pouches. Who needs to cook when you can rip, squirt, and bounce? And that really makes me think... how much of that stuff would I need to completely coat the surface of the moon?
CUT TO Clip of Fat Bastard screaming "Get in my belly!"
Well, Cody, you're lucky I have Cheeztaroni on the brain. It would take 835 million Intapouches, 167 if you're buying the Family Sack.
Wow, that might be too much Cheeztaroni even for me!
CUT TO Clip of Borat saying "NOT!"
You're not going to BELIEVE this next moon secret, Cody. Remember how Neil Armstrong played golf in outer space? It was sick! But what's even sicker is the new slew of downloadable golfers in Kirch Birtner's Tee-Off 2012. Now with playable Dorf!
DEEP-VOICED MAN BACKSTAGE
Uh, Karina? I DON'T think that's an Awesome Moon Fact.
Sure it is! Because those graphics are OUT OF THIS WORLD!
CUT TO Soup Nazi screaming "No soup for you!" [087-S]
Fair enough, Karina, but I'm afraid it's time for our last Awesome Moon Fact! You know, it turns out that that moon isn't just famous for showing up in werewolf movies -- this summer, it's about to enter the world of science fiction with Changeobots VI: Moonsphere of Darkness. Join all of your favorite Changeobots on an all-new adventure this summer! And the best part?
(whispering to camera)
It's five hours long.
DEEP-VOICED MAN BACKSTAGE
Wow, that's more movie than two movies!
CUT TO Austin Powers yelling "Behave!" [636-A]
Well, looks like we're out of time here on Channel Zero news. Remember all of those Awesome Moon Facts, because you'll be quizzed on them over the following five minutes by your homeroom teacher!
Don't worry, Cody. I've got "extra credit."
Karina pulls out a can of Power Hound and drinks it. Afterwards, she looks much smarter somehow. Figure it out with makeup or something.
Channel Zero Teen News would like to remind you that the claims of Power Hound Maximum Quench Energy Stew have not been evaluated or verified by the FDA. Have a swag Thursday, dudes!
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.