How It Works
Child A stands still while Child B stabs him about the head and neck with a knife, simulating a stabbing. It is believed that Child A will see his life flash before his eyes, and that this can help him locate misplaced valuables.
Infected stab wounds, severe blood loss (should be offset by the ability to locate misplaced blood during the "life flashing before your eyes" stage).
Changing voice, hair growing in new places, newfound interest in the video for Michael Jackson's 1986 hit single "Beat It".
How It Works
Child A stands in a bucket of salsa - typically mild - as Child B points an antenna toward the sky. They rub their noses together as quickly as possible for thirty seconds to build up a charge, then punch each other in the stomach. As a result, both children receive television signals in their heads up to twenty minutes earlier than they are actually broadcast. This is ideal for spoiling episodes of Lost in internet discussion forums.
Feet that taste like salsa, nipple cancer, a willingness to commit homosexual acts that involve noses such as mutual nose-picking.
Bloody noses, surplus of buckets and antennae hidden under a bed or in a closet, enlarged cranium (up to eight times the original size).
How It Works
Child A befriends a reclusive man who had half his face burnt off ten years ago in a car crash that resulted in a young boy's death. The man reluctantly agrees to tutor Child A, and through their friendship they both learn about themselves and the world around them.
Unchecked tolerance, fiery death in a car crash, gingivitis.
Disappearing bottles of skin cream and aloe from your medicine cabinet, sketches of the Batman villain "Two Face" laying around, a man with a half-burned face in your house.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.