No. This isn't right. What has the world come to when a person can't get a Mountain Dew at any hour of the day? This is it. Empty handed, you walk over to the security guard. When he isn't looking, you bash him in the head with a nearby sack of dog food, rendering him unconscious.
With his gun in hand, you shoot one shot at the ceiling, and everyone gets on the ground.
"Where is the manager?" You yell in a loud screech. When no one steps forward, you shoot the gun again.
Eventually a balding man steps forward. Sweat stains mark his blue button up, and despite the mustache that covers the majority of his mouth, you can tell that he is frowning. Pointing the gun at him, you tell him to get on the phone and call someone to bring a case of Mountain Dew. He agrees, disappears in his office, and immediately calls the police.
Within fifteen minutes, the place is surrounded. Swat, snipers, two officers at every door, and a dude in a bullet proof vest with a bullhorn are looking at you along with a few hundred spectators. They want to negotiate.
With sweat dripping down your face, you make your requests into the phone. A case of Mountain Dew, a microwave to cook some of these Hot Pockets, and your computer. And fast. You got a raid coming up. Oh, and one last thing, Claire.
In twenty minutes your computer is set up and you're logged in. Claire is there, crying in the corner, and while you aren't happy about her sadness, you're glad to show her what you are so good at. Proudly you describe the healing and potions that fill the screen.
And while you push your way through the raid, the swat team is raiding the place through the ventilation system above the frozen foods. Your chance of living is low, but as you bash away at the keyboard with a girl beside you, you gain the rarest item: pride.
You have achieved everything you wished for in life
‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.
Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.
No lifeguard on duty. Maze run at your own risk.
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