You throw the Hot Pockets into the microwave and grab the Tab. By the time the raid starts, you're sluggish, and within an hour you're stumbling on your keyboard. The last thing you remember is watching your virtual friends fall and die. When thin rays of sunlight sneak through the blocked window, you open your eyes, and the lingering taste of Tab in your mouth reminds you of the healthy soda. You know what, you think, it's time to clean my life up. You uninstall all your video games, give your consoles away, buy your own case of Tab, and then head to the library to check out audio books about yoga. Life looks good. And for awhile, it is, until you die of cancer a year later.
Rock legend David Bowie has changed his identity with almost every album. Can you remember all these classic Bowie characters?
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.