You throw the Hot Pockets into the microwave and grab the Tab. By the time the raid starts, you're sluggish, and within an hour you're stumbling on your keyboard. The last thing you remember is watching your virtual friends fall and die. When thin rays of sunlight sneak through the blocked window, you open your eyes, and the lingering taste of Tab in your mouth reminds you of the healthy soda. You know what, you think, it's time to clean my life up. You uninstall all your video games, give your consoles away, buy your own case of Tab, and then head to the library to check out audio books about yoga. Life looks good. And for awhile, it is, until you die of cancer a year later.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.