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In case you've never visited there before, I'd like to take this opportunity to expose everybody out there to X-Entertainment, a site devoted to all the weird and goofy crap that defined the 1980's (and early 90's). It's a pretty amusing site and is updated daily (which is no easy job, believe me), so head on over and give them some hits. You'll like what you see.

I have finished converting almost 95% of all the archived maps at Cranky Steve's Haunted Whorehouse to the new format, and have uploaded most all of the maps I had sitting around. Yes, that's right, I even uploaded the notorious Quake 2 retch-fest "Madbomber". This means that not only are most of the maps on the new File Cauldron system, but the pages are significantly less ugly (since they were in the old site design and looked like a preschooler retched HTML all over the monitor). It took me over six hours to convert all the damn things, so yes, I'm just all orgasmic over myself.

Continuing the trend of wacky antics, the clinically stupid "Chuckles" has emailed me about five times today. In case you forgot, "Chuckles" has been flooding me with email, asking why I let a destructive hacker like Jeff K. on Something Awful. The guy just doesn't get it... and he doesn't seem to be giving up any time soon. Get ready for a shower of stupidity, folks. All these emails were sent to me within a two hour span.

To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: remove it

ok asshole take the mail i sent down.noy funny.

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To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: take it down

NOW

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To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: are you deaf

TAKE IT DOWN NOW

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To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: asshole

REMOVE THE MAIL ON THE SITE NOW OR ILL BE FORCED TO TELL JEFF K THAT YOU HATE HIM AND HE WILL HACK YOU

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To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: wtf is wrong with you?

HOW DO I CONTACT YOUR SUPERIORS?

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To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: somethingawful.com

dear mr jeff k i think you should know that the person named lowtax who hosts your site only does so because he thinks you cant hack anything. if you read the main page of his site he seems to make fun of you and only thinks your and idiot. i know this to not be true. i think you should teach hin a lesson and proove you can acutally hack.

thanks

Charles "Chuckles" Wills
http://www.databasix.com/~chuckles

Ladies and gents, I apologize for printing all this mail, but this is probably one of the most brain damaged people I've ever had the pleasure of getting mail from. Note that the last email he sent was to "Jeff K.", trying to get ol' Jeffy and I into a fight. This, folks, is about the apex of stupidity. No wait, actually "Chuckles'" website is the apex of stupidity. I've got to make this thing the ALOD for today. And tomorrow. And the day after.

Since, for the life of me, I can't figure out how the hell to cancel my Everquest account (I lost my password / username / station name months ago), I've been basically sitting on a $10 a month bill and never realized it until yesterday. I tried to cancel my account online, but it requested all that info I lost back during the Carter administration. With this in mind, I had to think of a way to get banned so Sony would cancel my account for me. Suddenly it hit me - create some offensive Everquest fan fiction! Yup, some person's account was recently banned for writing "offensive" Everquest fan fiction on a role-playing board, so I figured I could do the same and get those creeps at Sony to nuke my account in no time. Check out my offensive Everquest Fan Fiction and pray that Verant comes to their senses and finds enough pity to ban me forever.

ROM Pit review... are you ready to fight the heroin pushing, dope fiend, cloned rockstars that infest Big City, USA? You'd sure as hell better be, because here comes a review of NARC!

I guess I should also mention your ability to bust people. If you get close to an enemy, and you will, because they seem to think there’s something smart about getting close to some guy who’s carrying around a rocket launcher and can withstand multiple rounds of gunfire, you can arrest them. Because you’re just so damn close, they surrender immediately, hold up their hands, and magically fly away, just like in real life. Sure, it gets you more points, but why let these hellfiends live when you can make their limbs fly into the air, rejoicing in their freedom from the tyranny of the hated torso?

NARC in the arcades kicked ass. NARC on the Nintendo stunk. This is NARC on the Nintendo.

Hakan presented the original "How to Win at Starcraft" article roughly a week ago... now prepare yourself for "How to Win at Starcraft, Part II"! Go figure! This followup contains even more surefire tips to get you from "newbie" to "l33t newbie" in mere minutes!

If you decide to try a use map settings map, only join those titled "TEMPLAR MADNESS V.4234!!!!" or something similar. Any map that took comprehension above the level of a partially aborted fetus to make must be too complicated and intense to understand, so don't even try to play it. Madness maps are the best because sending large waves of units, that takes no skill in making, to attack even more large waves of enemies really show who the better player is.

Read it and learn! Or learn and read it! I really don't care at this point!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

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