Writing a personal statement to a college program is one of the worst experiences known to mankind. Keep your head straight by following these super simple tips and complimentary example!

1. Your introduction is your first chance to show your intelligence!

Greetings Ye Admissions Man/Woman/Transgendered Individual,

2. Immediately set yourself apart with an incredibly detailed personal story that shows that you've always loved that area of focus!

Once, when I was just a zygote inside my mother, there was a great disturbance that changed my life forever. Though she was just yelling at the Taco Bell employee for forgetting her Tostada, it shook my belly zone pretty good. She kept yelling, "Buzz off!" over and over but to me floating in all those baby juices it sounded like she was saying "Business!" "Business!" "Business!" It was a word that I had never heard, but I knew that it was important, that it was powerful, that it was the reason she got a free churro. From that day forth, I've known deep in my heart that I was meant to get a business degree. And I still really feel that way a lot.

3. Brag about your recent accomplishments to show that you're ready to kick butt!

I've recently finished building the Lego model of the Death Star for the second time after my cousin knocked it off my nightstand. Finishing such a project takes serious time and determination, both of which I have. It should also be noted that I didn't have the directions because I had to throw out the box. It should also be noted that the second Lego Death Star varied a bit on shape and structure from the first Lego Death Star. It should also be noted that I am able to think quickly and follow my instincts much like other business minded people.

4. Let them know some of your research interests in the field of study!

I really cannot say how much I love business. In fact, I love business so much that I cannot pick a favorite part. All I know is that from the top to the bottom, business is the right choice for me. And that I love it.

5. What are your goals beyond the program!?

I'd love to improve the world by finishing the open source Diddy Kong Racing mod I've been working on. I've got all drawing done, but now I just need talented workers and the capital to really pay for it all. Hopefully your program will teach me all the business information I need to succeed and put little ads on my tumblr page.

5. Why here? Make them blush and show how you'd be a good fit!

Your handsome institution was the first result when I typed business school into Google. Based on the prominent advertisement alone, I am certain that you are the best institution in regard to proximity to mom's. Another great thing I love is that there is a school for business, which is something I've loved my entire life plus the time inside my mother. Once accepted, I can promise that no one will be bothered by my presence as long as the rooms are air conditioned.

6. Wrap it up with a strong ending that links it to the personal story while showing your compassion!

There are few things sweeter in this world than a Taco Bell churro, but getting accepted to your program would probably be one of them. I've waited years for this moment. I was born for this moment. I love you.

You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo
-Slim Shady

– Ian "Salmon Season" Golding (@iggolding)

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