"The Mysteriously Shrinking Outfit"
Flash Vol 1 #177
Flash: Now what the heck? This costume is tight in odd places. What's going on?
(thinks about it while pacing around his house at super speeds, hitting his head on every doorway)
Flash: I've got it! The sudden costume tightness, it all makes sense now! Puberty at last!
"Charades Gone Horribly Wrong"
Wonder Woman #109
Sometimes a hero's worst enemy is his own boredom.
Wonder Woman: Good job, Brian, you tiny orphan! Now it's the Flash's turn.
Brian: (watching the Flash raise an index finger) One word.
Wonder Woman: Great goddesses of Temyscira! What are you doing? The wind you're producing is unbearable!
Brian: Ah! For some reason my biker shorts and sleeveless jacket aren't protecting me at all! (he and Wonder Woman are blasted through a cement wall)
Flash: Geez. Come on, guys! It was clock. Clock! You didn't even try to guess!
"The Overbearing Uncle"
Flash Vol 2 #6
When uncle Larry comes to visit, no one is safe!
Uncle Larry: C'mere, you big galoot! Give your uncle a hug!
Uncle Larry: HUG TIME! I live for this shit!
Flash: My back! Let me go!
Uncle Larry: Please stop squirming. This is really all I have left in life.
Flash Vol 2 #24
After coming face to face with the reality of world hunger, the world's fastest man deals with it the way that only he can.
Flash: Golly, these kids in Africa are starving to death! What can I do? I know! I'll run fast!
Kids: Yay! Go Flash! You can do it!
Flash: MUST... RUN... FASTER!
Flash: (three seconds later) Ah, Miami. This is much better.
Flash Vol 2 #76
Nothing can prepare you for this, the must gut-wrenching event in the history of the Flash. Will anything be the same again?
Flash: I just can't believe it... (sobbing) Anna Nicole was an inspiration to us all. How could this happen? Why, God?
(running faster than light as the tears roll down his face and fall off, sprinkling the soil of a dozen countries)
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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