Shmorky Remembers The Flash

"The Flash's Chinese Fire Drill"
Flash Vol 1 #64

The Flash acts like a chinaman and sets a building on fire.

Key Moment
Firemen: OH GOD WE'RE ON FIRE!
The Flash: Me so solly!
Firemen: HELP US!!!
The Flash: Me Chinese, ching chong ching chong!

"The Flash's Fat Brothers"
Flash Vol 1 #115

The Flash's two fat brothers visit him and embarrass him by dressing in his suit and trying to fight crime.

Key Moment
Darryl: I'm so tired, let's stop to eat.
Greg: I know a good Italian restaurant on 4th street.
Darryl: Oh Jesus, all the way over there? We better call a cab.
The Flash: GET OUT OF MY SUITS! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!

"The Flash And The Electrified Gorilla"
Flash Vol 1 #127

An electrified gorilla is just minding his own business when The Flash tries to arrest him.

Key Moment
The Flash: Alright, Mr Gorilla, you're coming down town!
Gorilla: Don't touch me, I'm electric.
The Flash: Shut up! (grabs the gorilla and shakes violently) YAAAAUGH!
Gorilla: I told you!

"The Flash Gets In To His Mother's Make-Up"
Flash Vol 1 #348

The Flash tries on his mother's make-up when she suddenly walks in on him

Key Moment
Flash's Mother: What are you doing in my bedroom?
The Flash: (turns around with lipstick and blush on) NOTHING!
Flash's Mother: Oh God are you wearing my make-up!
The Flash: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME (runs not as fast as usual, flailing his arms like a sissy)

"The Flash Tries To Assassinate Wonder Woman"
Wonder Woman #78

Wonder Woman is getting too clingy to The Flash so he decides to take her out during a romantic dinner.

Key Moment
The Flash: Eat your spaghetti. Don't look out that window.
Wonder Woman: Why, what's out there?
The Flash: NO! DON'T SHOOT HER, SHE HAS TO EAT THE POISON SPAGHETTI FIRST!
Wonder Woman: Poison?
The Flash: D'OH!

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.