"The Flash's Chinese Fire Drill"
Flash Vol 1 #64
Firemen: OH GOD WE'RE ON FIRE!
The Flash: Me so solly!
Firemen: HELP US!!!
The Flash: Me Chinese, ching chong ching chong!
"The Flash's Fat Brothers"
Flash Vol 1 #115
The Flash's two fat brothers visit him and embarrass him by dressing in his suit and trying to fight crime.
Darryl: I'm so tired, let's stop to eat.
Greg: I know a good Italian restaurant on 4th street.
Darryl: Oh Jesus, all the way over there? We better call a cab.
The Flash: GET OUT OF MY SUITS! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!
"The Flash And The Electrified Gorilla"
Flash Vol 1 #127
An electrified gorilla is just minding his own business when The Flash tries to arrest him.
The Flash: Alright, Mr Gorilla, you're coming down town!
Gorilla: Don't touch me, I'm electric.
The Flash: Shut up! (grabs the gorilla and shakes violently) YAAAAUGH!
Gorilla: I told you!
"The Flash Gets In To His Mother's Make-Up"
Flash Vol 1 #348
The Flash tries on his mother's make-up when she suddenly walks in on him
Flash's Mother: What are you doing in my bedroom?
The Flash: (turns around with lipstick and blush on) NOTHING!
Flash's Mother: Oh God are you wearing my make-up!
The Flash: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME (runs not as fast as usual, flailing his arms like a sissy)
"The Flash Tries To Assassinate Wonder Woman"
Wonder Woman #78
Wonder Woman is getting too clingy to The Flash so he decides to take her out during a romantic dinner.
The Flash: Eat your spaghetti. Don't look out that window.
Wonder Woman: Why, what's out there?
The Flash: NO! DON'T SHOOT HER, SHE HAS TO EAT THE POISON SPAGHETTI FIRST!
Wonder Woman: Poison?
The Flash: D'OH!
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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