"The Flash's Chinese Fire Drill"
Flash Vol 1 #64
Firemen: OH GOD WE'RE ON FIRE!
The Flash: Me so solly!
Firemen: HELP US!!!
The Flash: Me Chinese, ching chong ching chong!
"The Flash's Fat Brothers"
Flash Vol 1 #115
The Flash's two fat brothers visit him and embarrass him by dressing in his suit and trying to fight crime.
Darryl: I'm so tired, let's stop to eat.
Greg: I know a good Italian restaurant on 4th street.
Darryl: Oh Jesus, all the way over there? We better call a cab.
The Flash: GET OUT OF MY SUITS! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!
"The Flash And The Electrified Gorilla"
Flash Vol 1 #127
An electrified gorilla is just minding his own business when The Flash tries to arrest him.
The Flash: Alright, Mr Gorilla, you're coming down town!
Gorilla: Don't touch me, I'm electric.
The Flash: Shut up! (grabs the gorilla and shakes violently) YAAAAUGH!
Gorilla: I told you!
"The Flash Gets In To His Mother's Make-Up"
Flash Vol 1 #348
The Flash tries on his mother's make-up when she suddenly walks in on him
Flash's Mother: What are you doing in my bedroom?
The Flash: (turns around with lipstick and blush on) NOTHING!
Flash's Mother: Oh God are you wearing my make-up!
The Flash: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME (runs not as fast as usual, flailing his arms like a sissy)
"The Flash Tries To Assassinate Wonder Woman"
Wonder Woman #78
Wonder Woman is getting too clingy to The Flash so he decides to take her out during a romantic dinner.
The Flash: Eat your spaghetti. Don't look out that window.
Wonder Woman: Why, what's out there?
The Flash: NO! DON'T SHOOT HER, SHE HAS TO EAT THE POISON SPAGHETTI FIRST!
Wonder Woman: Poison?
The Flash: D'OH!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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