"The Flash's Chinese Fire Drill"
Flash Vol 1 #64
Firemen: OH GOD WE'RE ON FIRE!
The Flash: Me so solly!
Firemen: HELP US!!!
The Flash: Me Chinese, ching chong ching chong!
"The Flash's Fat Brothers"
Flash Vol 1 #115
The Flash's two fat brothers visit him and embarrass him by dressing in his suit and trying to fight crime.
Darryl: I'm so tired, let's stop to eat.
Greg: I know a good Italian restaurant on 4th street.
Darryl: Oh Jesus, all the way over there? We better call a cab.
The Flash: GET OUT OF MY SUITS! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!
"The Flash And The Electrified Gorilla"
Flash Vol 1 #127
An electrified gorilla is just minding his own business when The Flash tries to arrest him.
The Flash: Alright, Mr Gorilla, you're coming down town!
Gorilla: Don't touch me, I'm electric.
The Flash: Shut up! (grabs the gorilla and shakes violently) YAAAAUGH!
Gorilla: I told you!
"The Flash Gets In To His Mother's Make-Up"
Flash Vol 1 #348
The Flash tries on his mother's make-up when she suddenly walks in on him
Flash's Mother: What are you doing in my bedroom?
The Flash: (turns around with lipstick and blush on) NOTHING!
Flash's Mother: Oh God are you wearing my make-up!
The Flash: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME (runs not as fast as usual, flailing his arms like a sissy)
"The Flash Tries To Assassinate Wonder Woman"
Wonder Woman #78
Wonder Woman is getting too clingy to The Flash so he decides to take her out during a romantic dinner.
The Flash: Eat your spaghetti. Don't look out that window.
Wonder Woman: Why, what's out there?
The Flash: NO! DON'T SHOOT HER, SHE HAS TO EAT THE POISON SPAGHETTI FIRST!
Wonder Woman: Poison?
The Flash: D'OH!
Perfect Eggs Every Time: Hold an egg in your cupped hands. Put your hands over a fire, squeezing them together gently to crack the egg open. Try not to let any egg liquid or egg shell fall out between your fingers.
Absolve me of my past fines, so that I may checkout again.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.