North American Panopticon is pleased to wish all tier 1 through tier 6 inmate services employees and their families a Merry Christmas or Appropriate Holiday Tiding. Tier 7 and higher inmate services employees will be receiving silver or gold box year-end awards depending on their performance.----ATTENTION ALL INMATE SERVICES EMPLOYEES----
In observation of CHRISTMAS we will be deactivating all capital processing centers for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Please remember to open the flues at all remains processing facilities to allow SANTA CLAUS down the ash effluent stacks.
Due to CODE EPSILON conditions prevailing at Sunny Valley Offshore Correction Platform, all tiers of inmate services are exempted from holiday services and allowed to employ the Almighty's Vengeance to suppress riot conditions.
For 2007 HOLIDAY CORRECTIONS MENUS please enter your tier 3 or higher calamity code and continue to NUTRITION OUTPUT briefing.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.