Craigslist has finally caved under pressure from various officials to remove the Adult Services portion of their website, ineffectively ending prostitution on the popular classified ad site. I decided to take a look at Craigslist's prohibited items rules and figure what cool stuff I can and can't still get from the site.
GET ON CRAIGSLIST
GET ON CRAIGSLIST
10,000 Live Bed Bugs
Sorry, this is one status symbol you're going to have to earn the hard way: stay at a Holiday Inn Express.
10,000 Dead Bed Bugs
I need these for a project I'm doing called What it Feels Like to Be Me and yes, I am a scabby saddy's midnight meth itch.
Chinese Knock-off D&G Hand Bags
Chinese people make the real ones too, but they're the good Chinese people.
Chinese Knock-off H&K Water Guns
Craigslist cares nothing for the IP of German war profiteers.
It nourishes wicked vampire devils and is used in black magic rituals. Remember, warlocks, whatever energy you put out in the world will be returned to you threefold. A reckoning is coming, Owl City.
Herbal Human Growth Hormone
Bean juice. Human bean juice. I don't know what plant produces human hormones, but I bet it's in China and I bet it was convicted of political crimes.
Perfect for a dirty bomb. Craigslist says no. And yet user TonyPozU is still allowed to post personal ads.
Celine Dion - Falling Into You
Free to a good home. Adopted by one of those industrial shredders used to break down whole cow carcasses.
They were hot when I made them. You pay only shipping. I'll include that brown crust from the bottom of the skillet.
Cadbury Creme Eggs
Salmonella a concern of Craigslist, diabetes not a concern.
Yeah, you could do it better yourself, but it's so much fun when a stranger does it. Ruined by sanctimonious scolds and Attorneys General tired of Craigslist killers.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back and gives you a handjob then it probably wasn't love, it was probably a creepy sex personal on Craigslist.
Giant Penis Bong
It was funny the first time, at the party, but now you're smoking four bowls a day by yourself out of this thing. What were you thinking? Craigslist tried to save you from yourself.
Giant Penis Dildo
Rip your a-hole to pieces with this mega donk available used through Craigslist. The exact dimensions of a Russian artillery shell.
One of America's greatest cash crops. Don Draper's third favorite way to relax behind Old Fashioneds and trim. Cigarettes are way cool and so is everyone who smokes them.
As heard on the Howard Stern Show! Danny Bonaduce and Jose Canseco love them. There is nothing cool about these glowing douchebag detectors, but at least it's not snus.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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