With Naruto on your back you put on your shoes. The anime is seeping into your pores and suddenly everything seems possible. You peek outside your bedroom window and see that your mother's Geo Tracker is sitting in the driveway. If you can get the keys from her pocket without waking her, you can listen to her cassette tapes all the way north. But if she wakes up your trip is ruined. You could also take your mountain bike. It's like 100 miles or something to get there.

Attempt to get Car Keys

or

Take Bike

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.