With Naruto on your back you put on your shoes. The anime is seeping into your pores and suddenly everything seems possible. You peek outside your bedroom window and see that your mother's Geo Tracker is sitting in the driveway. If you can get the keys from her pocket without waking her, you can listen to her cassette tapes all the way north. But if she wakes up your trip is ruined. You could also take your mountain bike. It's like 100 miles or something to get there.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.