You finished the last drop of Mountain Dew at the outskirts of your suburb. Sweat is dripping down your face, and your stylish t-shirt is dripping wet. You sit under a crabapple tree to take a break and admire how hard you've worked. Halfway there by now, you think before squinting down the road to see how far you've come. You can still see your house.
GAME OVER YOU FAT ASS. GOD DAMN YOU ARE FAT
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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