Richard Dawkins Writes Product Descriptions for a Raw Honey Gift Shop

This article is part of the The Great Authors Series series.

Sourwood Honey from BeeRaw has a lovely dark color. Not surprising that such a brown honey was treated like a crime negro by the idiot proprietors of Manhattan View Helicopter Tours. I was not permitted to bring even a small jar aboard the helicopter chartered at my request. I was never given even an attempt at an answer of what that honey could possibly harm. After a prolonged argument, I emptied the jar into the trash, forcing me to wonder still what a spoonful of honey might taste like while flying above Manhattan in a private helicopter. Thanks, infamous rogue D.B. Cooper. It seems you have won.

I believe it was NRA lobbyists who triumphed that dark day at Sandy Hook. How else can you explain why I was prevented by the staff of a Connecticut petting zoo from chasing ostriches with this Cherry Wood Honey Stick. It is quite small. No danger whatsoever to an ostrich. Ban the Nobel Prize nominated professor and his honey stick but allow a lunatic child to buy an assault rifle? Well done, Abraham Lincoln. You win again.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)