The Pitch: Dad humiliate yourself for my brand. I hate you, dad. Sissy dad. Piss for my brand? America watch diaper fill. Smear on mouth. Rat press button. I'D FUCK ME.
The Pitch: Olds are slaves for grease to put in tracts. Death to mind. Death to body. Intake fourthmeal. Hardbody club DJ fun. Expel fifthmeal.
The Pitch: BUY DRINK HAVE FUN LIFE. WOMAN OBJECT STIMULATE MATING INSTINCT. BUY DRINK. NEW BEER. DRINK THIS, MY LORD. BUY.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.