This week, my update consists entirely of this audio file, for some reason. If you're new to the internet, please click the big triangular button on the embedded object below to begin playing it. If at any time you become dissatisfied with the content therein, you may elect to leave the room and do something more useful with your time. Thank you.
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.