"I can do this. Just one more day."
"Please don't be tired of me. I'm still good. I'm still good!"
"Meat. All types of meat. Gravies, too. Every kind of gravy. Meats with gravies. Broth, pure unfiltered broth. Every meat in my mouth right now, gravy oozing out."
"Are you shittin' me?"
"The next kid to climb on my back is going through a window."
"If they put those tiny boots on me again, I'm going to gnaw my legs off."
"Why am I thinking? I'm just an ornament. I shouldn't think. I shouldn't feel. Is this hell?"
"Everyone looks excited. They love my yelling. I will yell forever and ever and ever and ever and they will never stop loving me."
- Walgreens the Dog
"Ugh, I feel sick. I shouldn't have eaten all those garbage bags."
"No, no, NO! More hair just came off. I'm going to be bald and ugly and then they'll kill me. Must pretend to be happy. Must smile. Must never stop SMILING. YES!"
"It's called net neutrality, idiot!"
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.