Companies like Smoke Everywhere offer kits for newcomers complete with the e-cigarette, cartridge refills, and chargers so you can hook your cigarette up directly to your computer's USB port!
You don't have to take our word for the quality smoking - er, I'm sorry, vaping - experience offered by e-cigarettes. Take the word of Smoke Everywhere spokesmen Jose Canseco, who reveals that e-cigarettes are "all health, it's gonna have in it proteins and a power boost." I hope e-cigarettes can also contain male hormone replacements so Canseco won't be arrested a third time for smuggling them in from Mexico to deal with his steroid-ravaged ball sack.
As much as we trust accused wife beaters like Canseco and Bonaduce, we decided to find out for ourselves if e-cigarettes beat the competition. We put them to the test by matching them up against their two closest competitors, regular Marlboro cigarettes and chlorine gas fumes from industrial solvents.
|Provides a dose of stimulating nicotine|
|May cause lung cancer|
|May cause lung melting|
|Gonna have in it proteins, power boost, gonna have everything.|
|Produced in a Chinese factory that turns a nearby river bright orange|
|Can dissolve a submerged taxi cab in 2-4 hours|
|Makes you think you are Don Draper|
|Makes you think you are that black skeleton zombie in the barrel from Return of the Living Dead|
|Turns you into a black skeleton zombie if you are stored with it in a barrel|
|Located in or adjacent to Flavor Country|
|Located in or adjacent to OSHA required halon extinguisher, eye-wash, and inhalation safety station|
The results are still unclear. While the e-cigarette appears to have an edge on the real thing, there are just too many unknowns and unanswered questions. In time we may have those answers and we may learn that e-cigarettes really are the best. However, for the immediate future I highly recommend you stick to the factual winner: Anhydrous Chlorinatecetone.
It should be available at a Class-IV caustic substances depot near you.
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
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