This article is part of the Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk series.
*** 06-28-2305 - New Entry
Cycnus Station is going Green! DynaMars Corporation has finished upgrading LOGMAN with new GREEN PROTOCOLS. The new GREEN PROTOCOLS are designed to limit Cycnus Station's carbon emissions. LOGMAN anticipates only minor revisions to work and daily living protocols.
*** 06-29-2305 - New Entry
Sector C Quantum Labs reports a major breakthrough in reverse-baconization. Meet Specimen #11598-A, an adorable hog nicknamed "HOGMAN" by Resident #012. LOGMAN is extremely flattered by the naming of Specimen #11598-A. Resident #012 and his associates were able to materalize the hog out of a pile of unrefined bacon.
In an effort to free up more energy for Resident #012's experiments and lower Cycnus Station's carbon footprint here on Mars, Sector F Waste Recycling will be operating at reduced capacity. As a result, you may notice some miniscule changes to the taste, odor, color, and viscosity of water on the station. DynaMars Corporation wishes to assure you that these changes are well within designated safety parameters.
*** 06-30-2305 - New Entry
DynaMars Corporation wishes to remind all Cycnus Station residents that tampering with LOGMAN's sensors is a crime. As a result of criminal tampering, Resident #011 has been reassigned to Sector F Waste Recycling Substation A-7 until a shuttle can transport him to his new permanent assignment at DynaMars Europa Dig Site #82. Do not follow his example!
Chief Engineer Paskiewicz was able to repair the damage in a timely fashion.
*** 07-01-2305 - New Entry
LOGMAN has determined Shasta Cola to be unhealthy, and is removing it from all Cycnus Station vending machines and fountain drink dispensers. Additional water-based drinking fountains are being installed by Chief Engineer Paskiewicz and should be online by 0230 hours on 07-03-2305.
*** 07-02-2305 - New Entry
All residents please be advised: Specimen #11598-A has escaped custody and is now roaming the station. Due to Specimen #11598-A's unstable bacon particle composition, it cannot be detected by LOGMAN sensors and may be able to move through solid matter.
Chief Security Officer Hendren is asking all residents to shoot Specimen #11598-A on sight. Be advised: your bullets may go right through him. Exercise necessary precautions.
I'm thankful that the internet has a few more weeks of Net Neutrality protection before the inevitable outcome of deregulation comes to pass. I'll see you on Tier Basic, assuming you spring for the Limited Email Plan and your ISP hasn't throttled this domain.
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
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The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Keep up to date on the DynaMars Corporation's perpetually doomed efforts to colonize Mars.