This article is part of the Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk series.
***12-13-2305 - New Entry
Good news abounds, Cycnus Station residents!
Resident #013 reports success in Quantum Labs Experiment #88-0984. Resident #013 was able to successfully teleport the bladder contents from one mouse to another. Although further tests are necessary, DynaMars Corporation believes human trials are inevitable.
As an additional holiday bonus, be on the lookout for a visit from the Lunar City Children's Choir! They'll be stopping by to spread some joy on their way to the Interstellar Choir Competition, held annually in the gymnasium of the Hercules-Transmag-Bovine Corporation's Deep Core Research Facility #002 on Titan. Be sure to visit the Sector D Concert Hall at 1200 hours on 12-15-2305!
***12-15-2305 - New Entry
DynaMars Corporation regrets to inform all Cycnus Station personnel that the Lunar City Children's Choir concert in Sector D has been canceled. As it turns out, Lunar City does not have a children's choir, and the ship that landed in the Sector A Shipyards today actually belonged to members of the Mercury Syndicate pirate organization.
While it is possible that the pirates could perform the concert as planned, Chief Security Officer Hendren feels it is in the best interest of station safety to keep them confined. As such, we have locked down Sector A Shipyards and Cargo Bay to prevent the pirates from causing any harm.
Chief Security Officer Hendren assures us that the pirates will not be able to penetrate the bulkhead doors connecting Sector A with Sector B Explosive Barrel Storage.
***12-16-2305 - New Entry
DynaMars Corporation wishes to apologize to the friends, colleagues, and family of the 76 crewmembers killed in today's deadly explosion. It appears members of the Mercury Syndicate succeeded in cutting through the bulkhead doors connecting Sector A with Sector B by using the high-powered torches stored in the Sector A Cargo Bay.
Unfortunately, they also ignited an explosive barrel, triggering a catastrophic chain reaction that blew up all of Sector A and Sector B. On the bright side, Chief Security Officer Hendren assures us that all of the pirates are dead and, that until the Mercury Syndicate decides to retaliate, Cycnus Station is completely safe.
In some good news, Phase 3 of HOLIDAY PROTOCOL TX-0992 will take effect tomorrow at 0000 hours. All red and green station lights will begin blinking in tune with the music playing endlessly over the Cycnus Station Intercom System.
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Hey, have you guys ever seen a picture of a cat before? Well, guess what. It’s your lucky day, because I’m mixing the concept of a picture of my cat with the concept of the Internet!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Keep up to date on the DynaMars Corporation's perpetually doomed efforts to colonize Mars.