This article is part of the Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk series.
***01-29-2306 - New Entry
LOGMAN wishes to remind Resident #012 and all his non-sleeping clones that that they are cordially invited to the Sector J LOGMAN Vaporization Chamber for tacos and hamburgers and unlimited free Shasta Cola. Resident #012 and all his non-sleeping clones should do that and immediately stop waking up mores clones and destroying the standard-issue bean packet reserves.
***01-30-2306 - New Entry
Welcome to Cycnus Station, Resident #012! Due to a strange stomach virus contracted from eating urine-laced bacon, you've been asleep for the past 3 days. Not to worry, Resident #012-- nothing noteworthy occurred during this time. You may feel a bit groggy, but LOGMAN is here to help get you back on your feet and up to speed. Together, we will keep Cycnus Station running smoothly for the next three years of your contract! :)
Resident #012, your tasks for today are as follows:
- Clean the following LOGMAN sensors: 1, 15, 374, 375, 376, 1,024, 1,025, 5,023, 10,234, 15,233, 15,234, 100,245, 552,233, and 643,233-2,305,072.
- Prepare lunch consisting of standard-issue bean packet for the following station personnel: Resident #012.
- Come up with an important scientific breakthrough in Sector C Quantum Labs.
- Verify integrity of Sector C Beef Containment Chamber.
- Refill the furnaces in the Sector G Auxiliary Coal Plant.
- Prepare supper consisting of standard-issue bean packet for the following station personnel: Resident #012.
- Prepare complete and thorough report on today's activities for DynaMars Corporate.
- Clean excess organic detritus from Sector J LOGMAN Vaporization Chamber filters.
Good luck, Resident #012. Remember: LOGMAN is here to assist you! :)
***END OF UPDATES
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Keep up to date on the DynaMars Corporation's perpetually doomed efforts to colonize Mars.