This article is part of the Dynamars Corporation Information Kiosk series.
***06-16-2306 - New Entry
The Mercury Syndicate has released a video showing Interim Commanding Officer Golding alive and mostly unscathed! They are demanding a ransom of 350,000 credits for his safe return. Unfortunately, DynaMars Corporation is not in the business of negotiating with terrorists. The matter has been turned over to Interstellar Police, currently scheduled to arrive at Cycnus Station in 18 days. Mark your calendars!
Resident #013 has taken up a collection in hopes of raising the ransom money demanded by the nefarious pirates. If you see Orange Multipurpose Bucket #0051, please contribute what you can. With any luck, Interim Commanding Officer Golding will be returned to us in one barely mutilated piece!
***06-17-2306 - New Entry
DynaMars Corporation is extremely disturbed to hear that Orange Multipurpose Bucket #0051 has gone missing. Resident #013 reported Orange Multipurpose Bucket #0051 was removed from the Sector I Mess Hall where he left it. DynaMars Corporation would like to remind all residents that Orange Multipurpose Bucket #0051 is company property and must therefore be returned immediately.
DynaMars Corproration maintains a zero tolerance policy in regards to theft of company property. Recovery of Orange Multipurpose Bucket #0051 is now company priority.
***06-19-2306 - New Entry
Because Orange Multipurpose Bucket #0051 has not been returned, DynaMars Corporation has no choice but to declare martial law on Cycnus Station. Mobile Defense Sentry Units are now patrolling the halls with shoot-to-kill orders. If Orange Multipurpose Bucket #0051 is not recovered within 48 hours, life support systems will be shut off.
***06-20-2306 - New Entry
Good news! The Mercury Syndicate pirates and Resident #055 are all dead. While attempting to invade and take over Cycnus Station, they were caught wholly unprepared to deal with the small army of Mobile Defense Sentry Units patrolling the halls with shoot-to-kill orders.
In other news it appears one of the Mercury Syndicate members was carrying the severed head of Interim Commanding Officer Golding. Please do not mourn for Interim Commanding Officer Golding. As he was a friendly android, his head need only be reattached to a new body. Supplementary bodies for Interim Commanding Officer Golding can be found inside BLUE-CRATE #000355.
***06-21-2306 - New Entry
The parade of good news continues!
It appears Orange Multipurpose Bucket #0051 has been recovered. As it turns out, Orange Multipurpose Bucket #0051 was mistakenly left in the Sector D Mess Hall and not the nearly identical Sector I Mess Hall. We apologize for the confusion and to the families and friends of the thirteen crewmembers gunned down by the Mobile Defense Sentry Units. Martial law is hereby lifted.
With all major obstacles now removed, DynaMars Corporation looks forward to all surviving Cycnus Station personnel returning to work immediately!
**End of updates. Thank you for using DynaMars Corporation's Cycnus Station Update Service!
The ISIS head of propaganda holds a brainstorming session with his top men to come up with new viral videos.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe is the TROPE NAMER for: You Just Got Marvel Cinematic Universe’d!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Keep up to date on the DynaMars Corporation's perpetually doomed efforts to colonize Mars.