NOT YOUR MOMMA'S COOKING. PANCAKE WITH FACE OF CLEATUS FETCHES RECORD AMOUNT
Raleigh, North Carolina - The auction ended last night, with the winning bid slightly over two million dollars. The winning bid belonged to an Internet Casino.
The cook, Jillian T., said she had no idea that her breakfast would be divine. When asked how she reacted upon seeing CLEATUS she stated, "I flipped the pancake and took one look at the image before I felt a great woot growing deep inside of me. I let it out." The local priest stated, "CLEATUS works in mysterious ways."
The Guinness Book of World Records has already stated that the 2008 edition will feature the pancake along with a record length back hair. More...
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.