Megababies Who Won't Let Go Comparison
Grievance

Wanted a third chance to retire as quarterback for his beloved Green Bay Packers. Denied this by Hitler-like Mark Murphy and a traitorous fifth column of Wisconsin Bears fans.
Grievance

Wanted a third term in the White House for his beloved sweet wife Hillary. Denied this by Goebbels-like David Axelrod and his legion of blacks and young people.
Managed to Alienate

Green Bay fans who were willing to settle for a QB who just couldn't take them all the way and was guaranteed to cry at least once a season at a press conference.

No, no, those aren't tears. It's just snow flakes melting on his cheeks. In the press room. Again.

Managed to Alienate

Black people who were willing to settle for a white guy who played the saxophone as the first black president.

No, no, he totally gets us. All those ugly white girls are just making up stories. And audio tapes. Again.

When He Gets Mad

He repeatedly brings up Randy Moss to reporters.

When He Gets Mad

He repeatedly touches Chris Wallace and wags a finger.

Best Advice to Himself

"It's been a great career for me, but it's over."

Best Advice to Himself

"All this moaning and groaning -- none of these politicians are gonna have anything like the tough time half the people in this audience have already had for the last seven years."

Signs of Distress

Ejects a salty fluid from his eyes every time he pictures Aaron Rodgers with a Super Bowl Ring.

Signs of Distress

Ejects a salty fluid into an air hostess every time he pictures President Obama with a Democratic Congress.

Attempts at Placation

Letting him return as a backup, paying him a huge amount of money to get him go away, and eventually caving in completely to let him come back and play again.

Attempts at Placation

Praising him at every opportunity, paying his wife a huge amount of money to get them both to go away, and eventually caving in completely to let him come back and speak at the convention.

Will That Work?

Hell no, he already refused to come back. Maybe trading him to the worst team in the history of the NFL for a fourth round draft pick will teach him a lesson. Nah, the universe revolves around Brett Favre.

Will That Work?

Hell no, he'll probably use his speech at the convention to talk about how he and Hillary want to "make sure everyone's voices are heard, especially that old broad in the back with the 60 cats and the McCain button."

Consolation for the Rest of Us

He's ruined his legacy for everyone but his most die-hard of supporters and his appearance on the cover of Madden might ruin his life.
Consolation for the Rest of Us

He's ruined his legacy for everyone but Paul Krugman and his appearance in a cover story for Vanity Fair might ruin his life.


Short of dynamite and pry-bars, I doubt there's anything we can do to excise these limpets from the hull of our collective consciousness. Even by writing this article complaining about how they just won't go away, I am contributing in some tiny way to their continued presence in our lives.

Long after Barack Obama is President, when the Jets are still doing so bad they won't even be allowed to watch the SUperbowl on TV, Favre and Clinton will still be there, mocking us with the thought of what the world might be like without them on TV 24 hours a day.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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