I thought this was a funny comic but I didn't clear it with the goons first so I'm sort of flying blind here.So, uh, I wanted to talk about something today that, uhm, some people, might consider to be a sensitive topic. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone, and if I do I sincerely apologize. But, uhm, I just wanted to say, as respectfully as possible that maybe, uh, this whole, how do I put this, feminism thing, may be getting a little, well, out of control...
It's always difficult to speak any sort of criticism of feminism simply because you have to qualify every goddamn statement you make. It's like being white and talking about any problems in black communities. You can't just come out and say, "There is a lot of black men in jail because of rampant fatherlessness and here's how I think we should solve it..." even if you actually know what you're talking about. No, you have to qualify your statement.
Look, I have a lot of black friends. I love black people and they love me. It's just that fatherlessness is a big problem in these black communities and it results in a lot of kids who get in trouble with the law and do poorly in school and I swear I'm really not racist COSBY SAID IT OKAY PLEASE DON'T HURT ME. And then you curl into a fetal position and sob.
It is with great reluctance that I qualify my statements today. Yes, I happen to have a lot of black women friends. Okay, there.
The Something Awful Forums prove that the witch hunt is alive and well. Like a modern day Salem, threads are organized not unlike ancient tribal hunts in order to find the slightest bit of racism, sexism, and homophobia, real or not, on the forums. Those found to be in contempt of the powerful circle jerk lobby are ostracized from this vile sub community and eventually banned.
The offenders are then thrown off a cliff as a test to see if they are really racist/sexist/capitalist and if they don't scream "NIIIIIIGGGGGGEEEERRRRRR DEEEEAAAATTTTTHHHHHH!!!" as they plummet to a gory death, their account is reinstated. Of course, dying is also bannable on the forums, which is one of the more sensible rules around here.
Fortunately, the only one that can ban me from the front page is Lowtax. And until he does (tomorrow when he wakes up), I'll just have to speak my mind right here. I've learned some things about feminism and it isn't all ice cream and lollipops.
The patriarchy likes to get together on Wednesdays at the YMCA (light refreshments provided) to talk about how much to cut women's pay for the week and think of new inherent male privileges to add to the ol' checklist.
Male privilege. Oh boy, here's our privilege. Men are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime. I'm incensed. How could the patriarchy allow this?!
When is an animated GIF just a joke and when is it socially irresponsible?For all the bitching women do about it being super duper scary to walk home at night, men are more likely to be victimized in public areas and by someone they don't know. I walk home every night from the bus stop to my apartment, a distance of about a mile. I should be flipping the fuck out!
But I'm not, because the probability of being the victim of a violent crime is actually pretty low, and has been going down nationwide since 1994. What an outrageous idea, the world just might not be as bad as you think it is.
Another one of the patriarchy's main goals has been to put up barriers to education for women. But we must be doing a shitty job because there are more women in college than men. Ugh, I told you we should have put a wall scaling test in the application!
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.