Two bedrooms, two and three-halves bath. What? The three-halves? Oh, that's the full toilet for horses. Yeah, it's got a shower, a sink and an obese 40-year-old man jacking off like crazy on the floor.
Dang it. Should have read the fine print on my auto loan.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
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