Why do people get so worked up over things that play no vital role in their lives? You know what I'm talking about: people who curse out other people because of their choice of video card, guys who adamantly defend video game X over video game Y, and readers who post hundreds of profanity-filled messages regarding their love / hate for a certain brand of product. To a lesser degree, the same thing occurs in sports, with fans of a particular team getting into fights (and sometimes even killing) opposing fans. Why do people attach their egos to a product or entity that they have no real relationship with?

Case in point: I recently ran an article making fun of the silly design of the Nintendo Gamecube, and how the major trend in the marketing industry seems to completely emphasize how the product looks, not how it actually performs. As expected, I got a flame mail from a group of people who obviously see their choice of video game consoles as an extension of their manhood. Just to show you how delusional these people are, I'm copying an actual letter sent to me by one of these zombies. Note that the profanities have been edited out and replaced by more pleasant, colorful words.

From: [email protected]
Subject: Game Cube... hahahah!

I just read your article, about Game Cube, and I must say, you(like many others) are another VERY NICE AND LOVING INDIVIDUAL. You just saw numbers(specs) and immediately jump to NIFTY conclusions. Did you even consider how that 6-12 million polygon/sec number came about?

You are an ATTRACTIVE YOUNG MAN, with no LOVELY sense or knowledge of games whatsoever. Let me just cut to the chase so you can continue writing misleading FLOWERS, from you little cave, on your deserting island.

First of all, I ENJOY CAKE, the colors and the design. The design is ok, and it looks perfect in other colors(silver,black,gold) anyway.

Secondly, the specs; I am sure you know, that the more features turned on, the more the poly-count goes down. Did you even JOYOUS look at the amount of features it has? You VERY WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING, all of them are on + 8 hardware lights, and you still can get 6-12 mil polys/sec. That pretty DANG marvelous, I'd like to see PS2 even dream of doing that. With that said, I'd be surprise if X-box can do that.

Without further adduce: Here's a quote form an artical about X-box 's specs.

"Having said all that, the Xbox GPU will be able, even at 250 MHz, to handle up to 125 million Gouraud-shaded, two-texture triangles per second, complete with transformation, clipping, and perspective projection. With one infinite hardware light added, the rate will be at least 62.5 Mtris/sec.; with eight local lights, at least 8 Mtris/sec."

Did you read that, you INTELLIGENT AND THOUGHTFUL ROLE MODEL TO CHILDREN EVERYWHERE! That's 8 million/sec, with 8 HW lights, while Game Cube can do up to 12 million/sec with 8 lights added an all effects.

I suggest you read and research your VERY ADMIRABLE "work" before you write misleading EXAMPLES OF JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY. I don't know how the HECK they let you put that WONDERFULLY RESEARCHED MATERIAL up anyway.

And did you really think that Nintendo would release a system way after PS2 and still have it be inferior? You SEXY, SEXY MAN!

I'm on a mission to set all you REMARKABLY HANDSOME DEVILS straight.

Emails like this make me very sad for a couple reasons, not solely because the author displays little to no grounding in reality. Are people's lives so vacant that they feel the need to religiously attach themselves to a certain console, one which hasn't even been released yet? Is a video game system important enough to get this worked up over? What does Nintendo, 3DFX, or id Software do for you? Do they give your life purpose and a meaning? Do they pay your bills? Do they show you an undying love? No, they manufacture products, products which you spend your money on. We are consumers, not whores for giant companies. Believe it or not, there are more important things in life than video games, and people who get this bent out of shape over a console obviously lead very empty lives. Sigh...

Today is "Crazy Lawsuit Wednesday", kicking off with a special news item from everybody's favorite graphics card company, The Bitboys. Yup, hot on the heels of the nVidia vs. 3DFX lawsuit comes this shocking headline: "Bitboys Sue Themselves":

"Bitboys' lawsuit against Bitboys seeks an injunction against any manufacturing, selling, or importing any graphics cards utilizing the XBA (Xtreme Bandwidth Architecture) technology. We allege that Bitboys has infringed on the following Bitboys US patents: No: 19,283,124; No: 20,125,663; No: 20,588,892; and No: 21,219,986," Long recently stated in a press interview held in the meeting room of the "Sunny Days" Akron Airport Inn. "We will not idly sit by while our technology is being misappropriated."

The Bitboys announcement follows a lawsuit filed by nVidia against competitor 3DFX, claiming the rival company infringed upon proprietary hardware created by nVidia. Much like the similar lawsuit, it appears that the ultimate goal of Bitboys is to ensure that their target ceases production of all video cards.

Check it out or I'll sue you!

It's been a while since we've seen some hot and spicy Leonard Crabs legal action. However, thanks to a recent article from Dr. Fred Malalavich, Mr. Crabs is back in business! Yup, SA was threatened with yet another lawsuit, this time from ace heavy metal / rapcore thugs "SNAFU". I mean, how could we not take these guys seriously?

OK who ever you are you Have A. Lawsuit coming! You choose to put your opinions of Untrue statements on your site describing the Band Snafu! Which has giving them the time to write a song Containing your website and Bullshit analyst. You can contact me through this screen name! i think what your site said about this Band was untrue and Uncalled for! What business do you have Saying your opinions about Something you do not even know about?????

Read all about the battle between SA and these eloquent musicians in the latest episode of SA's Legal Attack!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@lowtax)

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