HO HO HO HO!This is a merry Christmas after all I am giving to wish you! The holiday are always bringing the cheers and the festivities into my inner heart sanctums and I am filled with the hearts of joy! I am hoping with this article on the computer book that you are making to read at this present will share the memories of the Yule logs and the tidings of frankincense to you being as well. I am given to tell to you a Christmas Legendary Tale which is a Christmas tradition in the housed holds of Yours Truly. Large Son and wife and possibly friend of Large Son who is having nowhere to go and no turkey beasts to devour on Birthdays of Jesus Christ are also given to witness the tales. This friend is being towards the name of Pedro Vicenz and he is itching head all of time so I am telling Maria to place sack over pillow to ward off the evils of his hairs. After times of one Christmas pillow becomes haunted with the ghosts of hair past and I am making to submit the pillow into the fire where chestnuts are also roasting. Then I am realize "Yours Truly, while you are nothing but brains and the skill in the circles squared it is sometimes with the common sense flying straight away like the jets when you are disposing of hair ghosts."
There were not to be any chestnuts on the table that years and also the next because of accident with fist and roasting bucket but this is not the Christmas Legendary Tale for you. I am having another that is setting the standard. If you are around you should gather around, this is one to remember and the night will not be forgotten very soon. A week tops.
This is the tale being to entitled "How Weather Predator Cats, Mostly Hurricane Puma, and Yours Truly is Saving Christmas". I am doing illustrations for this on my computer screen so, okay, I am not the artist of the day, but I am hoping to convey to you the deepest of spiritual meanings in this Christmas tiding of wells and wishes. This is in form of poem because it is like "hop bop music" that the kids are listen towards these days and I am really try to get message out to the youngster. So let me "raps" with you "bros".
How Weather Predator Cats, Mostly Hurricane Puma, and Yours Truly is Saving ChristmasEl Pinto Grande raps with Santa Claus and Jesus! Yo, yo, niggers, okay now I think you should let me break this stuff down.It was being of the night times of right before Christmas and all through Tijuana wrestling,
Cruel supervisor is not giving time off not even for thing like good performance or if you have belt or need to go caroling,
I am taking off stocking and placing them in locker with care,
In to the hope of being to take off Christmas day so when Large Son open present I am there
Already Large Son is nestled in towards Large Son bed,
With the vision of the Super Nintendoors and Sony Playstations rotting brain and area of head,
Yours Truly in mask and work-type clothes is told to work another shift,
In spectacular-type late night matches with Weather Predator Cats, yo yo yo, what is up nigger?
When in the area which is being next to my locker there is being such a clatter,
I am executing perfect corkscrew somersault to open investigation on what is the matter!
Away to areas next to locker I rolled like a beetle monster,
And reaching area I am spring to upright so rapid it is like El Pinto flavored bread from toaster,
The moon which is coming in through cracks which are being in plywood covering broken window region,
Okay, the moon is not coming in, but light which Encartas '96 is telling me is reflected off of moon is coming through broken window region,
In this light I am seeing long-time rival and ultimate rudos Tornado cougar with kerosene can,
I am tell you gentle reader type I am liking brother Hurrican Puma but Tornado Cougar is not being a good man,
Rudos of Weather Predator Cats is having plans of the villain,
And he is pick up can of kerosene and all over locker area he is spilling,
Yours Truly is made to say "ultimate rudos Tornado Cougar, what are you doing?"
When much to wondering eyes do I hear "El Pinto Grande I will not tell you what I am doing."Yes! Break it towards down! Words. Damn. (I am sorry, Yours Truly is only swearing because the kids of this day who like the hop bop and are cursing things like drunken ditch digger. It is not real to be me, okay, please remember.)Now, Tornado Cougar! Now, Hurricane Puma! Now, Aztec Chief and Tango Queen! On, Big Truck Punch! On, Sombrero Largo! Even on ultimate rudos Tigro and Bug Ox! We are wanting to take off tomorrow but this just is not right! It is not right I am saying to burn down the wrestle arenas on Christmas Eve Night!
They are all gather round Yours Truly and Tornado Cougar in lockers,
When Hurrican Puma, who is good half of Weather Predator Cats, is jump onto bench since he is best of talkers,
"Listen to me we are not so rudos we are burn this place down," he is saying,
"We are to go do late night time matches but do them really fast and lazy", he is also saying
Without a word more from his head we are leap into action,
Forgotten are the anger of the rivals and also the rivals from the faction,
Weather Predator Cats are tackle up with Bug Ox and Tigro for first match,
It is very fast and the wins come quick with cruel blow to Bug Ox backside hatch,
Then it is turn for Yours Truly to battle his foe,
And it is Tango Queen-type who you are already made to know.
I am jump over top and into circle square ready to tangle,
Tango Queen is good friend so I am hope not to mangle, which is mean to hurt.
He is coming straight out of corner with Last Tango in Perish which is trademark,
I am made to try to block but he is having a very good trademark,
While on mat I know I should being to give up but I am feeling pain in my side,
I look over and am seeing the mask over face of Yours Truly's pride,
He is friend of all wrestle types but some time is causing mistakes which are making you pay,
Only Yours Truly can see him, not even other wrestlers see him or wife-type, and pride is not showing up on X-ray.
He is saying something to me in my ear as annoying referee type Xavier Chavez is made to count the pin,
I am lean over to listen despite terrible situation of submission lock being on location of chin.Bop Hop Bop Bop YO! Niggers please! That booty is having it going towards on!Pride is tell me "Yours Truly you are wrestle sensation so get up and give him the fight!"
I am consider and just when I am about to be thinking that maybe I might,
I am consider again and realize tomorrow is the Christmas day,
Perhaps to have a shameful defeat on the record of wrestling masteries is for one time okay,
I tell pride to quiet down and am made to lay flat on back like concrete encasing mysterious American waste disposals site,
And with my powerful mind I am made to tame the raging beast of victories that is my might!
The battle is soon over and the last match is start,
And I am know that the fight was lost but was won inside of location that is my heart.
When final match is finished it is only two in morning and time to go to home,
Sombrero Largo is ask who I am carpool with and he ask "me?" and I point to Aztec Chief and say "no, him"
This is story of best Christmas ever which is saved by Yours Truly and others too,
I am made to tell you remember this if Christmas instead of being color of white is blue,
Oh, I am forget to raps about guns and blunt so I am add part of that too.Fifteen in eclipse nigger. Blats! I drop a cap and put niggers on their backs!
I am took on a chronic and it is bionic,
Like 16-million dollar man it is make me stronger,
But like plague which is bad it is bubonic.
PEACE OUT HOMES!
I am hoping that I reach my hand of good wills and cheers out to you if you are a youngster or if you are old and 90 years young. I am spend this Christmas with mother, God rest her soul, and Large Son, and wife. We are go to uncle Rollo in mountain who is having log cabins he built with his own two hands. We are eat turkey beast I am made to prepare with recipe from mother, God rest her soul, and maybe she is help with prepare. Sometimes I mess up and the turkey beast is getting on the loose and causing such the ruckus, hahahaha! No, seriously. Merry Christmas!
Hello, Livestock here to calmly ease you away from the gentle writings of El Pinto Grande and remind you that there is a new Photoshop Phriday up. This week brings us Variety Pack #3, just in time for the upcoming Fourth of July holiday. Variety Pack #3 has nothing to do with July 4th, though, so don't get the wrong idea. This week the Something Awful Forum Goons tackled two subjects: O'Reilly Books, and a picture of a kid enjoying some Gatorade. Don't ask me how that last one happened, because I couldn't tell you even if you stuck a gun to my head and had me read the actual answer off a cue card. Here is a preview:
Sir Mix-a-Lot's classic follow up to "Baby Got Back" has serious unintended consequences.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.