Hollywood! My friend! It is so good to see from you!
I have read in the filthy mucus wipe Variety that you are in a trouble with the writers who make the shows and movies. It is THE STRIKE. Such sad state of affairs it touches into my heart. Deeply I feel for you, old friend.
This is why I am so very very very glad to tell you that I am just now opening a new enterprise. My tables are cleared and I am at full ready to begin supplying your needs as THE SCAB. Forget the writers, all of your wettest dreams and wishes to be fulfilled when you enter...
All of very best writers from cradle of civilization and el norte corea have combines their might to produce relentless stream of UNBELIEVABLE DEALS.
Hollywood, Hollywood, listen. I do not offer these script to just every man who walks into the bazaar. These I save just for you. I know when I see them, they are just for you. Custom for you.
Friend, let me give you just a taste of the merchandise. You will find quality at half - no, one tenth - one tenth of the cost of these bearded hippos writing for you now. These are lean children of the mysterious Arabia writing for your enjoyment. These scripts are not to be matched on earth or heaven.
NBC, you like ER? You need a script? I have a script for you. UNBELIEVABLE good script. Just a taste...
INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENTSY ROOM - NIGHTMale Doctor
There a patience I don't know what wrong!
Patient only kid you...better save him buster!
I do everything I can. Nurse, 500 seepies of durpolex inject into his face on my mark. MARK!
I sting it into his face. STING STING!
Hold on kids you live! Don't die on me!
Why you cheated on me with the male doctor?
How did it know?
The other female doctor toll me.
HOW DARE YOU-
He right you saved! Him.
WE save him.
Now we go to do a sex.
Ahhhhhh, wonderful, no? But I see there are other holes to be filled in your scheduling. NBC, how about emmies nominated television show the office? How do you like this....
INT. DUMPER MIFFLIN - DAYMikael Scott
HEy pam I just arrive at work whats happening? like the show "whats happening?" yeaaaaahhhhh dynamite
You had a message from jam
A massage from jam a massage from jam.........with release....with....release
I said a message with an e
(MAKES A FACE TO A CAMERA)
Jim lets prank dwight
Alright I love you HEY DWIGHT
I'm not talking to you Jim
You had better talk to me because guess what oscar is gay
WHAT? OH NO THATS JUST LIKE A DEMON
Here is an exorism squirt pistolla it is full of holy water make the demon go out of him
I'll do that I'll get him
(MAKES A FACE AT JIM)
(MAKES A FACE AT A CAMERA)
So good I can hardly believe it and SO very funny. HAHAHA! NBC you have a big hit. Also we have scripts for Thirty Rock and whole lineup. Satisfy all needs.
And you thought women had one-dimensional script intros that treated them like sex objects. Ewoks have it even worse.
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.