Now displaying the most popular programs in the holodeck simulation library...
Stand on a circular platform beside a sagely 19th-century cowboy and shoot at flying triangles. At Level 2 Difficulty, you must work to outshoot and outword the cowboy as a poetry composition component is introduced. At Level 3 Difficulty, the cowboy has a larger, more distracting mustache.
A challenging relationship simulator that tasks you with taming the heart of a savage Gorn warrior all in the ultimate goal of making it to a romantic honeymoon.
Worf's Calisthenics Program2
Upgraded version of Commander Worf's Calisthenics Program. The Skull Monsters are now wearing diapers and the swamp creatures are beautiful, well-endowed women.
Play a variety of popular games with historical figures Mark Twain, Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein. Choose from a large selection of games, including Gin Rummy, Poker, Strip Poker, Vulcan Checkers, Competitive Eating, Truth or Dare, Romulan Arm Wrestling, Cardassian Musical Chairs, and Pin the Tail on the Donkey.
Equestrian Adventure III
New courses and landscapes brings the popular Equestrian Adventure series to unbridled heights. Outrun the rape gangs of Turkana IV, ride nude across the pleasure beaches of Risa. New features allow you to breed and name horses and trade them with friends. Purchase additional saddles, outfits and tracks from the Equestrian Adventures Store.
Sherlock Holmes Mysteries
Escape to a simpler time as you assume the role of Earth's most famous detective and match wits against the villainous Moriarty, who, due to past technical difficulties, has been replaced by a raging Skull Monster.
Barclay Program 9
An Orion slave girl electrocutes your genitals in this program designed to test the limits of pleasure and pain.
Play the popular human sport of Baseball. Choose from dozens of teams to join, including 1920s gangsters, 1950s lounge singers, 1860s cowboys, 1940s hardboiled detectives and 1960s jazz singers.
Build up personal confidence by performing stand-up comedy in front of an audience of angry African-American humans from the late 20th-century. Try to win their favor before they summon the enigmatic Wendigo, a hideous creature from Algonquian mythology that consumes the flesh of man.
The Pleasure Maze of Quarn Naz'rk
Quarn Na'rk sets the gold standard for Pleasure Mazes by eliminating most of the maze and replacing it with additional pleasure.
Unwind in an invigorating mud bath while testing your intellect against a hairy nude man in this authentic recreation of Parallax Colony. At higher difficulties, the hairy man is even wittier, and significantly closer in proximity.
Computer, access simulation "Tellarite Pizza Party."
Do all of your holiday shopping in the Star Citizen online store! We have great deals on space ships for a game that may not be released for years. Think of these as investments in your future enjoyment.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.